The Beginning

You Want to What???

Stef's POV

"Love?" I walk into Lena's house. I feel extremely guilty - more than I ever have felt before. Its been three days since we had sex. Maybe I should just tell her and get this feeling of remorse of my chest.

"In here." She yells from her kitchen. I walk slowly, thinking as much as I possibly can. I just stand against the entrance wall, staring at her while she reads her magazine. She is so beautiful and so kind. She doesn't deserve this. Any of this.

"Hey, sweetie. Everything okay?" I look straight into her eyes and my heart starts beating faster. She gets up from her chair and starts walking towards me, stopping to lean on the kitchen counter in front of me. "What's wrong?" She is so caring.

"Nothing." She just looks deep into my eyes - as if she is reading my mind.

"Are you sure?" I love that she is so determined to get me to open up to her. I just nod my head.

"Long day at work." That should end this conversation. She hates when I talk about my job. It scares her. She is worried that I'll get hurt. She is so perfect and I love that she takes care of me.

Her soft voice brings me out of my thought. "Well, I was thinking..." She softly grabs my hand and pulls me into her so that we are just an inch apart. "I think that I should meet your parents." I pull me head away from her. I guess the joke about lesbians moving quickly is true.

"What?" That's not going to happen. My parents will kill me. One: for cheating on Mike. Two: for cheating on Mike with a woman. They will be so disappointed and ashamed to have me as their daughter. "That's not going to happen." I think I'm having a heart attack, my heart is beating so fast right now.

"Why? I think we should take our relationship to the next level. I'll invite my parents and you invite yours." I don't know what to tell her.

"My parents are divorced so having both of them over is like asking for World War III."

"Then invite your mom. Please." I don't want it to seem like I'm not committed to this relationship, cause I am. Well other than telling her I got a divorce to be with her, I am.

Think Stef, think. "Look, we don't need to have this conversation. The answer is no. End of discussion." I think she can sense my aggravation. I need to get out of here and cool off. I start to walk away towards the door.

"No, not end of conversation! I don't understand why you don't want to do this. Will you look at me?" She forcefully grabs my arm and turns me so that I am facing her. As she looks into my eyes, she softens her tone. "Are you ashamed of me or something?" She looks down at the floor like she is embarrassed.

"What? Of course not! Why would you even think that?" I feel so bad right now.

I lift her chin up with my finger, making sure she makes eye contact with me.

"Because that's what it feels like. Ever since... you know... the night we did it, you have been so distant lately. Like you regret doing what we did." She looks at me as if she was asking me if she's right. I don't say anything. I can't say anything. "So, it's true?" Her voice is staring to get louder. "I don't think I can do this." Wait, what? I pull her close to me and kiss her, passionately. I can feel her tears on my cheek.

I pull away and lean my forehead against hers. "I'm not ashamed of you and I don't regret anything..." Now the hard part. "But you can't meet my parents."

She backs away from me and I can tell she is extremely disappointed. "Why not?"

Because they will tell you I'm still married! "Because they are not accepting of stuff like this." And you will end things with me. "They will think of me as such as embarrassment and will force me to break up with you."

"They can't do that. You are an adult now. You can make your own decisions." If only that were true. "And besides, nothing that they say will make us break up because I will never let you go." Aw, why is she making this so much harder on me. "How about we meet my parents for sure and you will at least think about inviting your parents." How can I say no to her?

"Okay." She pulls me in for a kiss. Can we just freeze time and forget about everyone else and their problems?

She pulls away and leaves to make dinner. I grab a beer from the fridge and sit on the living room couch to watch TV. Am I crazy? Did I actually get myself into this? I should just tell her about everything. Stop being selfish Stef. You are going to hurt her.

I keep thinking about this and I keep feeling guilt and pain and I think my head is about to explode from all if this. I just need to calm down and rest. I close my eyes hoping that I can sleep my worries away.

------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note:

Sorry that I haven't updated in a while but I'm on break so hopefully I will more often. This chapter wasn't as long as the first on but I hoped you like it.

Donna