Before I Die | Lilo AU

I : Louis

secret ~ adjective : hidden from, or not known by, others : secretive ~ noun : a fact, plan etc that is not told or known

I decided not to tell anyone about my Leukaemia as I didn't want to be pitied. I didn't even want to tell Liam and Louis, my best friends in the whole world, out of fear that they'd treat me differently.

On Monday morning, I rose early and got dressed into jeans and a teeshirt, my regular attire. My dad, Ben, offered to drive me to school, which I politely declined as my father would never have offered in the first place if I wasn't sick. Anyway, I had plans to walk to school with Liam and Louis like I did everyday.

I pulled on a hoodie and left my house and waited by Liam's driveway, the meeting point for the three of us every morning.

I waited for a few minutes before being scared out of my wits by Louis. I cursed at him before being tightly wrapped in one of his gentle yet suffocating hugs.

"How was your summer?" He asked grinning at me.

"Fine."

Not fine. Anything but fine, really. I mean, two days ago I had been diagnosed with a life threatening disease.

"Go anywhere nice?" Louis asked, still smiling cheerfully.

"Just Chicago." I shrugged. Chicago was where I went every summer to visit my grandparents. That was before I started to ache.

"Nice!"

I loved Louis, he's super sweet, but in the mornings he was just to cheerful. Most mornings, I'm in a don't talk to me until 9am mood, and most mornings Louis wanted full on conversations.

Louis was older than me by about a year and was significantly older than most people in the tenth grade. He was seventeen in December and was probably the oldest member of tenth grade, although I'd never checked. Liam had just turned sixteen a few days ago and I was still fifteen, finding myself the youngest person in our year.

Louis had joined my school a few years ago when he and his family moved from England. He had started school the year above me, but had been held back a year due to his overactive brain, liveliness, being easily distracted and not being able to keep up with the class. When the school tested him, he was diagnosed with ADHD.

Liam joined us a few awkward moments later, apologised for being late in his funny southern accent and then enveloped me in a bear hug.

"How are you?" He asked.

"Okay."

Heh, wrong.

"Great!" Liam grinned. The two boys continued a long conversation that hurt my ears the whole way till school. I pretty sure they'd asked me plenty of questions about my summer, but I'd not listened as I was too concentrated about where I was walking.

I was sort of glad to leave them when we got to school as I couldn't take two more minutes of their chatter. I consoled myself in the library before school started, indicated by a ringing sound that sounded ten times louder than usual.

Most of my teachers took it easy on me. I assumed my mother had informed the school that I'm sick and that I wouldn't be myself until I got used to the side effects of chemo.

The last double of the day was physical education. I was happy that I could end the day in my favourite subject. I got changed into my tracksuit and found Louis, who shared the class with me.

"Hey Kris!" He greeted when he spotted me in the gym hall.

"Hey." I replied, sitting down on a bench as the class waited for the teacher to arrive.

"How's your day going?" He asked, sitting down beside me.

"Alright. I don't hate any of my teachers." I smiled. That was probably the first time today I had smiled.

"Great," Louis chuckled. "Me too." I caught Louis glancing at my long, blonde, knotted hair and began to feel self conscious. Why was I being self conscious about Louis looking at my hair, I have no idea, but I did.

"Hey, will I tie up your hair for you, cos I think we're doing hockey?" Louis asked, smiling at me. He knew hockey was my favourite sport.

"Sure. Thanks." I pulled a hair tie off my skinny wrist and handed it to Louis. He grinned. Louis always wanted to do my hair whenever he was with me because he dreamed of having long locks like me and being able to style them whenever. You guessed it, Louis is gay.

Lou began to scooped my hair into a ponytail and sleek back the bumps on my scalp. Suddenly, I felt my hair fall loose again.

"Krissy..." Louis started, sounding scared.

"What?" I asked.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." Louis pushed me lightly so I was facing him where he sat with a handful of blonde hair in his hand. "Did that hurt? God, I just pulled out loads of you're hair. I'm so so so sorry. Forgive me please."

"Um... no, don't worry about it. Come with me please." I got up in a rush and scurried out of the gym, pulling Louis into the girls bathroom. He didn't seem to mind and he was in here all the time too.

"Emm..." I contemplated if I should come clean to Louis. It might save me a lot of pain, as I do recall him punching me in the stomach for no reason last year. That could really weaken me. I went with my head and checked if all of the bathroom stalls were empty. "Lou, you didn't pull that hair out." I began.

"What happened then?" Louis asked, concerned.

"Um, i-it fell out." I bit my lip.

"Why did it fall out, Krissy? are you secretly ninety years old?" Louis chuckled. He always seemed to get a laugh out of every situation.

"No, I'm not ninety. I'm still fifteen." I giggled. I stopped and went serious again. "It fell out because I'm in chemotherapy."

Louis eyes narrowed and he looked pensive. "Wait..." He paused. "Chemo? For cancer?" I shushed him quickly as he was too loud for my liking.

"Yeah, Louis." I nodded. "I've leukaemia."

Rather than a witty, yet comforting, response, which I was expecting from Louis of course, I got a huge hug in which he didn't say anything but just embraced me tightly.

"Louis?" I mumbled into Louis chest.

"Yeah?"

"I can't breathe."

"Oh," Louis let go of me. "Sorry."

"It's okay." I shrugged. I then noticed how tall he'd gotten I've the summer. He must've grown at least a few inches and was probably over a head taller than me.

"Are you okay?" Louis asked. "I mean, with the chemo and leukaemia?"

"Um, well, you know." I realised I was crying and I fell into Lou's arms again.

"Hey, hey." I heard his British accent sooth, "it's gonna be alright." He rubbed my back and rested his chin on my hair, which only reminded me that soon it would be gone.

I cried into his chest for a few minutes before leaning off him, smiling and thanking him for not judging me.

"Why would I judge you?" He asked, as if it were bizarre.

"Because I'm sick. And when my hair falls out more I'll be bald, and...different." I wiped my eyes.

"If you think I'd judge you for being sick and different, you're crazy. C'mon, Kris, you're talking to your best friend who is openly gay and has ADD. I'm as different as they come." Louis chuckled.

"I guess. Thanks Lou," I sighed.

"You've said that already." He laughed. "Now, c'mon. We're missing P.E!" He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the bathroom. All that was in my mind was how was I going to tell Liam.