Rosa's Affair

CHAPTER 16(a)

Tweeting of the birds could be heard in this twilight. The day was vaguely more chilly than any other day and I wrapped a wool shawl around my neck to protect me from this sharp weather because if not, my lovers will come looking for me.

"What do you think you're doing?" Jacob spat at me.

I was sitting on the terrace and I could feel the look Jacob was giving me. I could tell he was angry, but I didn't care and stared at the empty space next to me. Sensing my thoughts Jacob sat near me on the bench with arms crossed.

"Excuse me?" he said harshly. "Is there something you are trying to tell me?"

I rolled my eyes holding my temper in check. "Are you going to tell me why you are here? Or are you planning to mock me?"

"Rosa!" He took a deep breath to calm himself. "It's half-past ten, and...you are sitting in the dark, chilly weather with only one purpose in your mind."

"One purpose?"

"You want yourself to be killed, am I right?"

"Relax Jacob! Your word choice is not very intelligent right now! Why should I want myself to be killed? And..."

"Rosa! Do you have a death wish?"

"Jac..."

"It was around evening time when you woke up and again you were sitting in this spot, what is that useless..."

"Kiran is not useless!"

"Where is Kiran? And why were you sitting here alone in this cold weather with just a thin cloth around your neck? You liked yesterday's events right?"

I was dumbstruck. I lolled my head to his shoulder in exhaustion as he continued his rattle on worrying about my health. After some minutes, I circled my arms around his waist and he caged me with his one arm around my shoulder. I felt the warm heat radiating from his strong body. Though I was still weak, my body automatically reacted to his touch and I pressed my nose on the crook of his nose, inhaling his scent.

"Jacob!"

After giving some butterfly kisses on my nose, he murmured a sweet 'mmm' which aroused the desire in me. Once, there was a theory in my society that 'desire' is third-rate and is considered taboo, but I didn't research it much as I wasn't much interested in that area. Now my brain nudged me to ask the meaning of desire to the young scientist sitting next to me.

"Jacob!" This time he ignored me completely sucking the popped out veins from my neck. The shawl which was once covering my neck was lying on the floor next to me.

"Jacob!" I pulled his hair and fisted it tightly, parting his face from my neck. That was when he realised his clouded desire. I laughed faintly and rubbed the soft skin where he had bitten moments ago.

"Are you ready?"

Before answering he bent down and he picked the shawl and wrapped it around me. "Yes!" he answered, caging me again.

"How can you be ready without knowing what I'm going to ask?"

"A young researcher should always be ready!" his answer surprised me. Dusting it aside I asked him my query but in a divergent way. If you want to know the exact thinking of a human, don't ask the question as the crow flies...just put a simple opinion which contradicts their ideology, if they have a strong ethics behind their reasoning, you will get your answer, Yet they will fail as they won't know your question which they have given their faithful answer. It's a complete win-win situation for Rose's like me, but I don't want to try my cunningness on Jacob.

"Jacob!"

"Are you nervous? Why do you call my name...repeatedly?"

"Jacob!" I stood from the bench and sat near his feet facing his direction. We both tilted our head to look at each other. I craned my neck and he bent down to look at my face. Gathering both my knees inside my arm, I made a pillow for my chin. "It is confusing...I have never loved another being the way I loved Kiran but..." Jacob observed me intently.

"Jacob...once I thought sex doesn't hold any value in this man-made bubble, it was always looked down by the majority which also included me, I...pictured 'love' as eternal and pure whereas the sexual cravings of a human are considered..."

"Rosa!" He lifted me from the floor.

"Ja..."

"Shh..."

I became silent because I know Jacob is not the person who interrupts unwantedly. "Come with me!" he pushed me to the edge of the railing and he stood behind me placing his both hands on my stomach.

He must like this posture a lot, most of the time he stands behind me while we have some heart-to-heart conversation.

"Rosa! Answer me...who do you love most in this world?"

As if he doesn't know. "Apart from Kiran!" this time he made it clear.

"I love my parents, granny, friends, trees, cousins etc...I think I love everyone to a certain degree, you...know...there is no reason for me to hate anyone!"

"Answer this Rosa, where does Kiran and I stand in that order. Does Kiran come first or..."

"Kiran!"

"Your honesty sometimes bleeds me too much. Just...nevermind!"

"Jacob...I..."

"Listen to me! Listen to me carefully."

I rubbed his hand which was placed on my stomach showing my agreement.

"Rosa! You...almost love everyone who you have met in your life, to the least... you like them, yet can you have sexual desire with anyone apart from me? That's the sparkle of sex. A bastard may love anyone with dissimilar feel in their heart, leave the casual sex in isolation, it may or may not hold the worth. However, when it comes to lovemaking, it has a higher purity and standard which at intervals overrides the value of 'love'. Love can be considered as eternal and it holds different meanings, but 'sex' with a person whom you love has only one meaning and that is 'love'. And...if you don't understand..."

"I...understand, So...what I have for you is..."

"It's love and nothing more than that! Rosa...you should think about Kiran, the love which you..." he gulped and I felt his throat restraining from spilling the words.

"The love which you?"

"You should think about your marriage, Both of you deserve love but in a...more regular way..."

"The love which..." finish it, Jacob.

"Rosa! The love which you have for Kiran doesn't hold any...value if you don't feel things for Kiran the way you feel for me!"

"So..."

"What you have for Kiran is eternal...I hope you understand my point!" he said, removing his hand from my body.

I heard footsteps! Minutes later, I turned and saw that I was the only one standing on the terrace. He has gone, gone out of shame. What he said was completely true...so he didn't have to hide from me.

When I couldn't bear the chillness any longer, lazily I took my steps towards my room. The minute I saw Kiran, a slight pinch in my chest alerted me. Is it remorse? No individual would wait for the way Kiran was waiting for me. The sins I am doing behind your back have a worth and that is why I don't consider it as a sin. In the beginning, it was very hard. Cheating my beloved made me guilty, but now...I don't feel guilty towards anyone. Time has gone and I have travelled a long way. Now reaching the destination with great care is my only motive. Though I am a damaged ship floating in the aimless direction in an unknown sea, now I have found my lighthouse. Jacob is my lighthouse, but sweetheart you will be my captain today and always! The captain in the ship is the only living soul who doesn't know his destiny whereas the lighthouse and ship have already found their way in this inhuman world.