Rosa's Affair

CHAPTER 18

JUNE 11, 2018

Rose Love Paul

I was standing in front of the catholic church with a heart full of sorrows and regrets. Though I looked happy on the outside, I am lost on a deserted island and if God is true, the god inside this building would know it. My atheist mind rebelled not to set my foot inside the church, and my willpower reasoned with the logical mind justifying my action. When you don't have a belief in god, there is no point in stepping your foot inside this church, reasoned my mind again. What my mind said was true, but I want to try once in my life. So, here I am standing in front of this holy place with no aim in my mind. Though my legs hesitated, I took my first step and my hands trembled along with my mind. I was scared to enter inside this place and I don't know why. Would I be welcomed here? After All, this is the first time I am voluntarily entering inside a church without any push by the external energy. What is my purpose here?

Dusting every thought aside, I entered inside. It's an age-old church and the first thing that caught my eye was the crucifix. I didn't pray, but I showed my respect by bowing my head because...that's the least I can do now.

"I don't know how to worship you," I said truthfully to the son of God.

I didn't know what I had to say after that, but one good thing is no one was there inside the church to witness my pathetic life. So...I continued with my remaining strength.

"Are you angry?" I asked him again and this time my voice echoed inside the walls of the church.

"Why wouldn't you be? After all, I haven't visited you all these years." Though I was the only one speaking to him, I didn't expect him to answer me in any form.

"Do I look pathetic?" I waited for an answer, but thankfully I didn't receive any. If I receive an answer abruptly, wouldn't I think of him as a ghost and run away from this place.

I sat on the floor in front of him with legs crossed and stared at the floor in deep silence. What should I talk to him? He knows everything, then what's the point in repeating the same thing again?

The roses I was holding in my hand laughed at me. "I bought a bunch of my friends for you as if meeting a friend. I...don't know what to do with these flowers," I laughed nervously. I bought a bouquet of roses for the lord as I didn't know what else to buy for him. The point is...it's been too long since I have gone to any holy places, so stepping inside a church was very new to me and I totally don't know anything. I don't know what to pray or how to pray. Not even once in my lifetime have I prayed to any superior energy, so today it's difficult.

"Consider me as a newborn," I lifted my head and stared at his features. "Does that hurt?" I asked him. He knows what I am referring to. "Forgive me if I am rude, I didn't know how to talk or ask or pray or..." My throat clogged.

I felt empty, is it so...difficult talking to God?

A tear rolled down from my eyes, but this time...it's not for any humans around me. I wiped the tear with my handkerchief. "It's good to be an independent human."

I didn't ask him anything after that. What's there to say or ask? There is none. So I walked towards the cross and placed my bouquet near his feet. "I'm happy to be a human," I whispered to him one last time and walked outside the church. My eyes didn't even roam anywhere else and I walked straight towards the door. When my foot stepped on the first stair, I turned around one last time and pleaded with him with my heart. 'help them both!'

When I was many feet away from the church, I turned around and smiled at the church one last time. From today on, I am not to be called an atheist as I have believed in something called 'God'. If I had not believed I wouldn't have stepped my foot inside the church. Life is a miracle, anything can happen at a time which will push you to change the complete description of your ideology.

I walked towards Jacob's home with a little amount of peace in me. I don't know whether God would help me or not, but I would never leave Kiran. If today I were a human, all thanks to that wonderful genius who moulded and supported me at all times. Though I cheated, it is beyond my limit and it doesn't have a say in the love I had for Kiran.

When I came near the house, I saw Kiran watering a plant in the pot. Kiran watering a plant? My curious mind wants to know the sudden change in Kiran's behaviour. When I reached the plant, my confusion was over. It's rose! Why wouldn't Kiran water rose?

"My beautiful Rose..." Kiran pinched my cheek lightly, throwing the watering can away from the plants. "Let's go in!"

"Remaining plants?"

"None of our business..." Kiran dragged me inside the house. Every step I took along with Kiran, I felt the helplessness of other plants. But I let it aside, my heart mocked me again, so...whatever happens to Jacob is not a problem for you...

Heartless!

This is called heartless and the extreme picture of a heartless human is...Rose! Whispered my inner thoughts.

"I have a surprise for you," said Kiran and dragged me towards our bedroom.

"Is it another set of lingerie?" I asked without any amusement or energy.

"How do you know it?" asked my coffee donor, biting my lower lip. On the way to our room, Jacob stood outside his room locking his door. Kiran ignored Jacob and pushed me inside our room and closed the door on his face.

"That's rude Kiran!"

"I don't care!" answered my troublemaker.

I ignored Kiran and headed straight into the bathroom and let out a sigh immediately closing the door. washing my hands and face I took a few moments to calm myself before coming outside the bathroom.

"I have something to tell you," I said, my eyes darting everywhere but Kiran.

Kiran tapped the empty space in the bed, motioning myself to take a seat. After a long silence, I took the seat but Kiran was the one to break the silence.

"I deserve someone who'd love me just the way I do," said Kiran holding my hands. "I thought it would be best to not push you too much, but...I failed and I'm sorry."

Sweetheart! How long are you going to torment me this way? I'm at fault yet you are the one who is feeling bad for me. Is it a way to torture a person showing that they are at fault. When do you plan to stop this way of binding me to you? Every time I try to break us apart, you are holding my hand, gripping it tightly. What would I do then? You should give me a chance to break us, break us apart!

"Sorry, what were you saying Rose? I'm sorry to interrupt you, do you have something to tell me?" apologized Kiran.

"I...I...was worried, wanted to make sure that you were okay," I said softly.

"Wanna hang out?" Kiran blurred out of the blue.

"Hang out?"

"Rose...I'm tired!"

"You should take some rest..."

"Please stop pretending! I know, you know the meaning of my tiredness, Why have we become like this Rose?"

I huffed, combing my messy hair with my fingers, the only thing on my mind was Jacob. After a small mental pep talk with myself, I stretched my fingers on Kiran's face and before I could descend it further. "I don't need it," mumbled Kiran, removing my hand from the spot.

His hands wrapped around my wrist as he pinned them to the bed above my head. His strong build, which was way stronger than mine, pinned me down. He whispered something in my face, his breath smelling of maple syrup. I couldn't speak as I wanted him off of me in an instant as he clouded my vision. His eyes darted from my widened ones to my slightly open lips. For a second, I thought he was going to say something, but his lips felt soft on mine and I forgot about all my dilliama's in my life. "Rosa..."

"Rose...are you listening?"

"I am!" I answered Kiran with Jacob in my dead mind.