BOOK 1 OF THE SURVIVOR ANTHOLOGY
The Clone Wars ravages the galaxy, changing everything it touches. The Senate in shambles and the Jedi occupied means the galaxy has never been a more dangerous place.
Reina Tautaski, a slave of the Zygerrian royal...
(Trigger Warning: I briefly discuss my past journey with mental health later on in the postscript)
Firstly, I never thought I would ever finish a book, so that's an insane milestone for me.
Sitting here after finishing the epilogue (at the time of the first draft of this), it baffles me to think that this book is maybe 3-4 years old. I started this in secondary school (late middle school - early high school for you Americans). And here I am, about to go off to uni and finishing it up. It feels oddly cathartic. Especially now that this book has become so important to me.
When I first began writing Survivor, it served purely as a prequel to another book I was working on at the time "Road From Ruin". I certainly didn't think it would become such a personal journey for me, nor did I expect it to. After all this is fanfiction. In the wonderful quote of a dear friend "We're not getting paid for this." And yet as I wrote and got deeper and deeper into this book, it has become so much more to me than I ever would have expected.
I would like to thank every person who has and is reading this book. You guys have provided me so many joyous laughs and so much happiness with your kind words and rambling in the comments. It has meant the world that other people have experienced this journey with me and found their own means of everyday joy during reading this. The idea that real people with their own lives love this book and actually are invested is still a bit foreign to me, I'll admit. But that suspension of belief for myself just makes it all the more magical that I can share this hobby with others that love the people of this website.
I didn't start getting massively personally invested within this book until I returned from the long hiatus it took. It wasn't until about halfway through Jabiim that I realised how much this story and these characters mean to me. It certainly didn't occur to me that I had wound in my own messages through the story until later on. The thing is, when I first began Survivor, it was just going to be a story. Not something that said something I really wanted it to say. Not with a character that stood for something. Just a book. But as I continued to write and delve myself into who Reina was, I found my own struggles in life reflected in my writing without even really intending for it to happen - dark themes of mental heath and suicide have been more and more entwined in the story as well as within Reina's character. A large portion of the earlier chapters were written during this dark time of my life, certainly all of Act 1. It hasn't been until returning to a good place in my head that I've been able to see my journey mirrored within this story.
Reina will embody different things to all of us, and all of them are valid because media and characters in media are what we make of them. I can explain all I want here but a character is what is portrayed in the writing, not the additional comments. For me, Reina's story became very personal to my experience in that it's not a steady road to peace and happiness. It's never one huge breakdown followed by a muted road to recovery with the occasional weep. It's multiple, massive breakdowns that hit and consume you again and again, each one feeling worse than the last. And the moment things feel like they're going right, another wave will come. That was my story through my mid to late teens. And it ended up translating somewhat to Reina's.
But the more important message that I wanted to put in above all else, which I made prominent in the epilogue was the idea that no matter how many waves pull you under, you can break the surface again. Whether it's something old or something new or a bit of both, there is always a way out. And it might take struggling to get there. It might take you to new depths you never thought could be explored but there is another side. It probably isn't a paradise you dreamed of but it works because it's yours. This journey wound itself into the story without me even realising until late on. And despite it not being planned, I am proud for my story to be able to stand for something so dear to me and probably many others. The idea that no matter how dark things may seem, there is a light - it's so dearly important to me, and it is something that will continue as I write the next books.
The most difficult part to write of these themes was Reina's anger with Thea - her confusion and guilt of Thea "leaving her behind" and never getting an answer for it. It's a subject that in my darker hours, I spent a lot of time thinking about. And whilst I understand how I feel about it in my head, it was really difficult to translate to writing without it coming across as victim blaming. I wanted to capture a really raw and ugly side of the grief - not one that's necessarily pretty or controlled, but one that exists and is part of the grieving process nonetheless. But as the epilogue wraps this up, the frustration over never really getting the goodbye is only a small part of this story. Really, this story is all about taking that step forwards to healing. It's about finding yourself and moving on from the pain and rage, remembering yourself and others in a way that brings you a smile rather than pain. I really hope this moved into the work well and in a way where my intentions were clear.
I'm sure that the writer side of myself will cringe at some of this book in six month's time. But it will always hold such a special place in my heart because it ended up saying a message that was so dear to me. Whilst this may not be the same message that other's glean from it, it will always tell some of my story through this wonderful, amazing character I came to know as Reina Tautaski.
I can't wait to share more of her story with all of you. I want to thank one more time everyone who has read this, who last left their comment or vote. Everyone who has laughed or smiled or felt a little sad. Everyone who has adopted Reina (the list is ever growing) and told me that they love this book. This fandom is so loving and supportive. I hope to see you in the next instalments of the series where we can see this story continue. Speaking of which, it would seem this as good a time as any to announce:
Book 2: Metamorphic
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I've already started to work on this book. I haven't yet decided whether I will release it in November or December to allow myself to get a bit of a head start, but when a decision has been reached, I will post an announcement, so make sure you're following me if you want to continue following this series along (I often post Survivor series related announcements for my readers)
This book never could have been finished to the quality and care that it was without the wonderful talks with daisysjohnson about this. I have mentioned her before plenty of times, but she truly has been a really instrumental part of fuelling my idea mill to keep churning (without even meaning to!) with our wild wizard space theories (sad noises because my new phone doesn't have a TM shortcut). Her Warrior series was a huge source of inspiration in my writing for the later sections of this book, so if you like Star Wars, check that series out. It's is a phenomenal read.
No matter where life takes me and all of us, I will always remember this book and everyone who read it so fondly. To the future of this series, and to everyone who reads these words, I am truly grateful.
