Tales of Hopeless Romantic Fails

Sick of you

"So sick of you. Sick of all your little lies."
Selena Gomez, Sick of You.

Summer 2011

Dear Diary,

Today was awkward as heck but I'm glad I said what I had to say. As you know things with T fell apart last December and we haven't spoken since then till today. After finding his online blog about every personal and private moment that was meant to stay between us, I had to say something. He said he was sorry and would move everything to a private site and for once he kept his word. I checked. At least I can breathe easy now, I just wish I never trusted him in the first place. Yet again, how was I supposed to know that we would end like this? We were close friends for the entire senior year, needless to say I never saw the end coming this way.

I guess I should start at the beginning huh? It began in my Astronomy class in senior year. I knew about T from my cousin's constant complaints about how he kept following her everywhere. Though to be honest, I didn't really notice. Yep I'm romantically clueless like all the time, despite being a hopeless romantic, go figure. Generally, I just assume the guy just wants to be friends cause I'm always happy to make a new friend. Unless he says something or does things repeatedly for me to notice. Even then it takes me a while to process it.

So when T sat next to me in Astronomy class one day, I didn't really think much of it (my cousin was absent that day, I guess he just wanted some company?). It sure was nice though bouncing ideas off each other about the big bang theory, comets and supernovas. Next thing I know, every time we had this class, he would always take the seat right next to me. And I have to say, it was a little bit weird at first. Not because a guy was sitting next to me, I mean I grew up in a 70% male cohort in my school and practically shared all my classes with them besides Health. That's like the one class where all the girls are with like 3 guys.

It was mainly to do with the fact that I had to learn how to share my desk space with someone. I got pretty much accustomed to sitting on my own in junior year. Which meant I used to spreading out all my stuff cause of all the space. Notebooks, notes, highlighters, sticky notes, rulers - you name it, I had it all out and it was glorious! I'm an organised mess and I can't seem to work when it's neat - I really don't know where things are when it is. So when T started taking the spot next to me, it was a big adjustment in not spreading everything all over to his side of the desk. Not that he minded though, he knew it was one of my quirks. Plus there were a few side benefits too, on a few occasions I caught him using my flower sticky notes and doodling with one of my fruit scented pens (get your own T!).

As time went on, we ended up becoming close friends. We bonded in how we were the social recluses of our class. Conversations were filled with laughter and constant teasing along with sunny day lunches by the school hilltop mound. Our friendship was something we both needed in senior year - it was insanely stressful. So it definitely helped being by each other's side.

Early morning cram sessions in the library and common room, walks home together and late night phone call conversations (not text, see it does exist) about the ridiculous pressures of getting into the dream universities that we had our hearts set on, the fear if we failed made us inseparable even though half the classes we had weren't together.

He did once turn up in my Health class and my teacher didn't mind cause I was one her top students. The weird thing when he did, our Senior Year President kept whining and complaining shouldn't be there. And made a big scene about wanting to sit next to me. I was like why? I'm always sitting on my own but now that T is here, you're making a scene? Boys! T just found the whole scenario amusing and kept smiling and wouldn't tell me why even though I kept bugging him. He just said that he thinks I'm smart enough to figure it out. Whatever that means