Tales of Hopeless Romantic Fails

We are never ever getting back together

Winter 2015

Dear Diary,

If someone told me 3 years ago that my older brother Stephen's friend E was going to show up at my door in the middle of the night and hide behind a pot plant - I would have laughed and said that's totally crazy. Yet you know what? Crazy is just a regular day in the life of being Hannah. If I had to fill you in the full story what happened over the last 3 years, we would be here forever. It's definitely a story for another day though, so stayed tuned.

So what I'll do is give you the short version, it's impossible to condense all my feelings, frustrations and confusions of my poor battered heart into just one single entry. I'm afraid if I start writing, I won't be able to stop. Cause it hurts too much. The disappointment is overwhelming. Sure we were never dating (gosh if we did, I don't think I could have ever gotten out of the woods), but it did entirely shatter my ability to trust people specifically guys.

Even to this day, I'm still not over it. How can I be when I'm talking about a guy who not only is Stephen's friend, but his LifeGroup leader (LG) at church? Which makes the whole situation a heck of a lot worse. For me whenever my non christian guy friends let me down, I'm disappointed yes, but they don't know any better. Sounds terrible but at least they have a valid excuse of some sort. While E being a christian guy should have known a lot better. Plus he's 5 years older than me, so you think he would have had more emotional maturity to deal with our friendship fallout (which is completely all his fault by the way). Apparently not, his solution was to drop the friendship ticking time bomb in my hands without a single explanation and sent us on this never ending cycle of an on and off friendship. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Just breathe, Hannah - just breathe. See I told you once I started writing I can't stop. The worst thing about this whole situation was that I couldn't go to anyone at church to talk about it or tell Stephen ( I didn't think he would believe me or worse take E's side, so I thought it was best leave it alone). I couldn't even vent to someone to get some perspective to understand whatever that was (that's what our supposed friendship has become now). Writing down my thoughts is the only thing keep me from losing my mind (I've already ranted incessantly about this to my parents, they were appalled).

Flashback to 2012, the simpler times where I was innocent to believe the best of people.  It seemed perfectly harmless at first, texting each other about church things. To be fair, he thought he was texting my mother when we were arranging a New Years Eve dinner, because I was texting on her behalf (she can't seem to figure out how to use the keyboard on her phone). Up to this point, he was already pretty familiar with my parents seeing as he was Stephen's friend. He was well known for his comedy antics from, oh we ran out of chairs at church, let's sit on the floor! I'll save you all a seat! To, oh I'm lactose intolerant but sure let's have Italian for New Years Eve! And after the dinner, Oh wait! I was texting you all this time? Oh that makes so much sense now!

That's where the problem I started I'm afraid, I honestly wish I never got a smartphone. Next thing I know we're Tennis Tower Texting (TTT) all summer long. About life, prayer requests, work, holidays, what we've both been up to been. To the extent where I went way over my mobile phone texting limit and ended up paying $150 excess in texting (woops, sorry Mum!). These were the days when my parents refused to have wi-fi in the house, so that's what you get! I must say these were pretty impressive TTT's. These were before the days when people sent single one line messages. We actually sent like towers of paragraphs (think a text essay) to each other back and forth hence the tennis reference. And not just one, multiple towers. At this point you're probably wondering if I had feelings for him (it's only natural, I don't blame you). I didn't, I honestly just saw him as a close guy friend like a cousin. To me it just was nice to talk to someone like family when you're still new to the Young Adults (YA) congregation at church. A sense of familiarity if you will.