Catch me Blackbird (Jemily)

4. Blackbird Fly Away

JJ's POV
After working a few cases with Emily, my feelings for her still linger and I think they're getting stronger.

Emily's POV
Coming back from being gone for so long has felt so great except for the part where the person I love has no idea I love her so much that I would risk my life for her. But it was fine because now I can at least see her everyday at work and talk to her. It was nice having her face to face with me because online scrabble with her, even though she can act like I don't know that she's cheeto breath, was torturing because I missed her face. I can feel myself falling deeper into something that would bite me in the ass if I tried anything. I did come pretty close to doing something but thank god for Garcia. Bless her but also fuck her.
*flashback*
A couple days ago, I saw JJ go into her old liaison's
office crying so I did what my instincts told me to do, I followed her. I heard JJ crying so I knocked on the door but she didn't hear me so I opened the door slowly and walked in. She was still crying with her head on the desk so I closed the door and stood there against it. When she has cooled down she lifted and turned her head towards me. She was startled and panicked a little bit trying to wipe her tears away.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
"No, no it's fine, I just wasn't expecting to see you there."
"Are you ok JJ?"
"Yea. I'm fine. I'm good"
I gave her the stare, the "I know you're not so just tell me what's going on" stare. I stood there for a good minute to let her collect her thoughts but I couldn't help it just standing there and not comforting her, so I walked over and put my arms around her neck and hugged her. I felt her hands come up and squeeze my arms as a hug since she couldn't turn around because my arms were still tight around her. She looked up at me and I could see tears in her eyes again. I looked down and kissed her forehead. Then she began to tell me why she was crying.
"Will and I had a fight."
"Awwh, it's okay. Knowing you guys, the fight will be over soon. It's going to be fine babes," I said while stroking her hair.
"I'm not sure that it will be because..." she paused.
I didn't even need to say why because she knew I was waiting and I wasn't going to leave without an answer. She took a deep breath in and began talking again.
"I... I don't think I love him anymore," she said as silent tears were streaming down her cheeks.
"JJ?" I said as I took my arms off her and spun her chair around so I could kneel in front of her. I put my hands on her cheek so she would stare at me in the eyes.
"JJ are you sure? I thought you loved him and Henry"
"Of course I do."
"Well then what do you mean you don't love him anymore?"
"I'm not IN love with him. I love that he's Henry father, and that he loves Henry as much as I do but I just... I don't feel anything for him anymore. I love him because he's Henry's father but that's it. Just that."
"Well how long have you been feeling this way JJ?"
"It's been a while but he proposed to me last night and that's why we had a fight."
"He proposed?!" I said letting go of her face trying not to sound so mad because again, she doesn't love me the way I love her, but I tried to act happy after hearing that.
"Yea, but I told him I wasn't ready and he screamed at me. "What do you mean you're not ready?" he asked and all I could say was that I wasn't ready for the next step because I didn't want to."
"You told him you didn't want to marry him?"
"I didn't tell him that but I just said that I was unsure whether or not I was ready because of course I didn't want to marry him"
I didn't know what to say to her because a part of me really wants her to say no and break up with him but the other part of me knows that JJ would never be in love with me so I tried to convince her to get married so she could have the family she's always wanted. After a little talking, I convinced her to say yes and when we were done, we just sat there with me still kneeling on the ground. I put my head on her lap and she put hers on my head and we just sat there in silence. After a bit we both got up and fixed ourselves up before we left the office. I looked at JJ fixing her hair and makeup and all I could do was stare. Then she looked up at me and I couldn't help but to stare directly into her ice blue eyes. I couldn't help it anymore so I went over to her and grabbed her face and before I could kiss JJ, Penelope knocked on the door. She opened it and as soon as she did, my heart dropped. I was about to kiss JJ and finally tell her how I felt but I played it off and just tilted JJ's head down so I could kiss her forehead. And as soon as my lips left her forehead, I felt numb like I had just lost the love of my life all over again. As I walked past Penelope she asked us if we wanted to eat dinner tonight and all I did was nod and flash a quick smile so that I could get out quickly. Everything was blurred and tears fell from my eyes as I walked towards the bathroom. I stood by the sink and let all the tears out into the sink. I look up contemplating whether I should cancel with Garcia and JJ tonight or not but if I did it would seem suspicious so I decided not to. I look at myself in the mirror and took a deep breath in and as I exhaled I felt my whole body go numb again. There goes my Blackbird flying away.
*flashback ends*
After that incident I wanted to lock myself in my room but I gotta make it not so obvious that I was going to kiss JJ because both her and Garcia were there to witness me leaning in to kiss her but because I didn't and I kissed her on the forehead, I had to make it not awkward like I was planning on kissing JJ even though I was going to actually kiss her.

JJ's POV
That day that I told Emily that Will proposed to me, I felt like I made a mistake. I didn't know if Emily would ever love me back the first time I feel for her so I had Will as a back up. But then we had Henry so I guess I couldn't go back to her now and forget that Will ever existed. But when I told her that he proposed, J could see her eyes get darker. In that moment I really did think that her heart just broke but because she wasn't in love with me, I thought that it was just a reaction until after she convinced me to say yes. After she did we were about to leave when I look up and I see her looking at me. She walked over and grabbed my face and I thought she was going to kiss me. I wasn't go to stop her if she did becuase it was all I wanted for so long but then Penelope came in. God I love Penelope but when she did that all I could think about was how much I wanted to punch her because Emily might've actually kissed me but instead she kissed my forehead. Even if that kiss on my forehead was planned or not, I could've had the chance to kiss her but now I'll never know.

~weeks later~

Emily's POV
It was the night of JJ's wedding at Rossi's house and all I felt was angry and sad. I tried to be happy for JJ but I really wish that it was me and her in white dresses and not just her walking down the aisle while I watched her as a guest at the wedding. I wanted to be watching her walk down the aisle as her soon to be wife but that was not the plan tonight. After the ceremony and dinner, we all danced. Everyone was dancing and it was all so pretty as I walked around them trying not to think about JJ being married but guess what. As I walked I caught a glimpse of JJ and she was looking at me. I don't know if it was because I was walking on the edge alone while everyone was dancing or if she was staring at me because she secretly knew that I was going to kiss her a couple weeks ago. But I thought that was silly so I just looked at her and smiled as best as I could to mask the pain I was feeling inside. My heart was pounding and it felt so heavy that I thought I was going pass out. Bye Bye Blackbird.

JJ's POV
As I danced with Will, I couldn't help but look for Emily in the crowd. Then I saw her. She was walking along the side alone and all I wanted to was run over to her and kiss her but I couldn't because now I'm Jennifer Jareau LaMontagne. So I just looked at her with a little smile but it was hard to look so happy when I was dancing with the wrong person.