Catch me Blackbird (Jemily)

8. Voicemails

Emily's POV:
I miss her. It been a couple weeks since I left JJ and I so desperately want to go back. A few weeks back Penelope called me and asked me if I knew what was going on with JJ, and I obviously didn't know because I haven't talked to her for a little bit so I said no. She told me that JJ is going crazy.
"Emily, I'm worried about JJ. She came into work drunk the past two weeks and she acting like nothing is wrong with her but I can tell. You know I can. I might not be a profiler like you guys, but with the way she's acting, a five year old would even notice that somethings wrong with her. Do you know what wrong with her?"
"No! I mean no," I panicked.
"Okay... well have you talked to her because you're probably the only person who could find out."
"I don't know Pen, I've been really busy lately, but maybe I'll call her tonight and ask. I'll tell you if she says anything," I said lying to her. I hated lying to Penelope but I couldn't let her know what happened that night.
I thought she wouldn't remember anything that happened that night but somehow she did and now she's drinking... because I left her. I left her so that I wouldn't be broken, and I know that's selfish but I didn't know that she had feeling for me too. Maybe it's just a phase for her because all her life she's been with boys, she's told about all of them, and then she married Will so I thought that it was pretty much over for me to try and attempt anything but she goes and kisses me. And I could've, I really could've had her right then and there but I left. And now it's coming back to bite me in the ass because the one person I didn't want to hurt, was hurting herself and I'm not there to help and no one else knows what happened so she has no help.
I tried to call her once but I got to scared so I hung up and she tried to call me back a couple times but I just declined them all. She left drunken voicemails and all she would say was "Emily, come back," or "Why did you leave me," and sometimes "Do you hate me?" and it broke my heart every time I heard her voice say it because she didn't sound like herself. Her voice wasn't soft and sweet in any of the voicemails, they all sounded empty and sad, and I wish I could've picked up the phone and called her back but I couldn't bring myself to do it. And I couldn't help but listen to her voicemails because I missed her voice and every time I heard her, knowing she wasn't in her right state of mind, I cried. I sat there and cried because I could wrap my arms around her and make her feel safe again. With all this happening, I am so close to buying a plane ticket back to the BAU so I could help her and finally be something with her because that kiss was more than just a drunken kiss. She was ready to go all the way but I didn't let her because I didn't want to take advantage of her so I let her go. But if I go back and she says that that kiss was a mistake, I don't think I would survive that so I'll just wait for Penelope to call me with updates or something. Because if the kiss was a mistake, the thought of staring into JJ's eyes while she tells me that makes me sick and I can't go through with that.