Catch me Blackbird (Jemily)

7. Secret's out

JJ's POV:
It's Tuesday, I think. It's been six weeks since Emily left and all I've done is poison myself. The first two weeks I managed to stay sober during work but it started getting so hard. Everywhere I turned, I would see Emily. I'd hear her, smell her, even feel her. And every time any of that would happen, a new bottle would end up in my hand and down my throat. I tried my best to convince everyone that I was fine but working in the BAU surrounded by profilers made that near to impossible. But I held up the act for a couple weeks. And now coming in at week six, I'm starting to lose it. I thought I could get over her but I was getting pulled under her. She dominated my life and she was destroying me from the inside without even being here. And now Spence is starting to question me. He found me on the floor in my old liaison's office and he thought I had died. But it was the middle of the night and Hotch thankfully went home early. Spencer told me he'd wait for me but I told him to go home. But thank God he didn't. I would've died right there. He walked into the office and saw me laying on the floor passed out drunk. I would've died if he hadn't come in and turned me over because I was so close to chocking on my own puke. He sat next to and held me so while slept for a bit. And when I woke up, I panicked. I forgot where I was and I was so scared that I slapped Spencer but I didn't mean to. I felt so bad but he just held onto me till I stopped and relaxed.
"JJ. What are you doing?"
"I-"
"Wait, let me ask you this first. Are you ok?"
"Uhm... Yeah I- I'm fine... actually Spence, I'm not fine, I'm not even okay. I just need someone right now and I don't know if they need me back."
"Are you talking about Will? Do you want me to call hi- "
"Spencer. No! Sorry. No. He's not the someone I need right now."
"JJ? Who do you need right now? Garcia? Morgan?"
"No Spencer! Please look into my eyes and understand me, please. I don't want to say her name out loud."
"Her name? Who else...oh. You need Emily, don't you?"
I gave Spencer a look asking him not to judge me and just go with it and he didn't even question it.
"I'm sorry that you're here right now. You do not need to be dealing with me, I'm a mess."
"You told me to go home, but I stayed because I could see in your eyes you needed help. I'm staying here with you, so please tell me everything you need or want."
"I think I'm in love with Emily. I can't stop thinking about her, and after she left a couple weeks ago, I've been so lost. The night you guys found me, I got really drunk. I got drunk because it was Emily who found me and I couldn't deal with her going back to London so quick. I would've thought she's stay for a little bit but she just left. But anyways, that night, I went to her hotel room after dropping Will at home and I... I kissed her."
"JJ!"
"What? What Spence?"
"What about Will? And Henry?"
"I don't know. I've been spiraling because all I could think about was Emily. Not Will. I don't love him anymore, I mean of course I love him but I'm not in love with him. Yeah he's the father of my son but he's not the love of my life. I don't think he ever was. Emily was. Is. She is the love of my life."
"JJ," Spencer said with a big smile, "I've never heard you talk about anyone like that. You really love her don't you."
"Love at first sight? Yeah. Definitely."
"I think you need to do what makes you happy? Unless you really don't want to."
"No, I do. But the last time I saw her, I yelled at her in the middle of an airport before she left."
"But if you love her, go for it. You might've yelled at her but I think that gave her a hint maybe a really big one that you really love her. And if you want to tell her, I'd do it now but if not, I'll be here for you."
"But what about Will?"
"I guess I have to tell him and hopefully he understands."
"Okay. I'll do it tomorrow but I have no idea what to tell Henry later. But after tomorrow, I'm going. I'm gonna tell Emily that I need her in my life."
"I'll help you with Henry but only if you promise you'll tell Emily as soon as you can."
"Spence," I said letting out a little laugh.
"I'm being serious, JJ. Do it."
"Okay, fine. Anything for you," I said poking his nose.
We sat there for a little while longer then her drove me home so I could get cleaned up and actually get some sleep.

~ the next night ~

I'm getting ready to tell Will tonight about how I feel and how I don't feel. I made sure that I put Henry to sleep incase there's yelling but we're going to hope that he understands.
When he came home, I made him some dinner and we sat on the couch to eat.
"Will? I need to talk to you."
"Yeah go ahead JJ. What's wrong?"
"Will, I love you but I'm in love with someone else."
"JJ. I kind of had a feeling. And I think I know who."
"Will... I'm so sorry. You know I love you and that you love Henry but I'm not in love with you."
"Baby, I know. And it's okay. If you really love her, I'll let you go but I will always be here for you and Henry."
"Her? You know who it is?"
"It's Emily. I knew from the first time you meet her because baby you talk in your sleep. You say her name and these couple of weeks you've been very vocal about about."
"Will. Are you sure? I didn't mean to do this to you but-"
"I know. You can't control who you fall in love with and I'm here for you. Believe me. I'll be here for born you and Henry and I'm not going anywhere but if you need her. Go. I will be fine."
"Thank you, Will," I said with a sigh of relief. But now was the hard part. I have to find her. Maybe I'll call her first. Maybe I'll have a drink or two before I do because I definitely cannot do this sober. But i can't do it drunk so maybe I'll just go to London. Surprise her? Sure. But I need help. I grabbed my phone and called Garcia.
"Oh my sweet baby JJ. I'm so happy for you! I can't wait to tell Morgan and everyone else."
"Penelope..."
"And of course I'll help you find Emily."
"Thank you, Pen. You know I love you right?"
"Who doesn't," she said sending both of us into a little laugh attack.
That's was easier than expected but now everyone that needs to know right now knows, except Emily but she'll know soon.