Almost a stranger

Empty

Things were the same throughout my winter-holidays. I didn't eat much, talk much, or spending time with anyone. Mostly, I was staring at my phone or listening to music. The main turnover happened about three days before school started.

Paul was at work and my mom was called for an important meeting- which meant Travis and I were alone at the house. He was in his room and I was in the living room. Since our parents didn't come back for a long time, we were both hungry. It was about midnight when Travis got back from his room and asked, 

"You hungry?"
Abigail: Yeah, a little bit. 

That was the first conversation we had in months. It was awkward and we weren't used to it. 

Travis: I'll make something to eat. 
Abigail: Okay. 

He disappeared into the kitchen while I was trying not to throw up. This situation was toxic and unbearable. After a few minutes, I saw a fire in the kitchen. I ran to see what was happening.

Travis: Crap. 

He left the kitchen and a few seconds later came back with a fire extinguisher. The fire wasn't big, but I guess we both freaked out. 

Abigail: What have you done!?

He gave me the coldest gaze ever and left to his room. The kitchen was in mess- that I had to clean. After I finished, I furiously ran into Travis's room. Everything I held in just swarmed up and I exploded. I was yelling while he was sitting on his bed. 

Abigail: You're acting like a child! How did you manage to almost burn us!?

He stood up and then I felt so small and weak. He was now standing in front of me, yelling to shut up. He told me that I don't know anything, that I'm just a stupid child. 

Abigail: You know what? I won't shut up! You're acting like a little baby! Like you didn't get some toy you wanted! 
Travis: Just shut up!

At that moment, I stood up on my fingers- just inches away from his face. We were looking at each other like we're some kind of enemies. 

Abigail: Make me. 

Those words were the drop that was too much. He put his hands on my shoulders and threw me on the bed. The next thing I know, he was on me. We were kissing. I knew it wasn't right, but I liked that feeling so much. I put my hand in his hair, wanting him even closer. 
Then he pulled apart and sat down on the bed. 

Travis: Stop doing this!

I was sitting behind him, not able to see his face. His head was in his hands. 

Abigail: Doing what?
Travis: Stop being so hot! So smart! So beautiful! Stop being my sister!

At that moment, he stood up, punching the bed board with his right hand. Immediately, the blood from the cut he already had started pouring out. Without a word, I went into the bathroom and took the white box from the cabinet. I didn't know what to say.

It seemed like we both wanted to get over with everything. Like we needed someone to be angry at- and we picked each other. By the time I came into the room, I saw Travis sitting on the bed with the head in his hands. His forehead was now covered with blood. Just like his shirt.
The last thing I could do was kneel in front of him and do something about blood since I can't do anything about everything else that was happening. 

Travis: I can do it alone. 

I didn't listen to him. 

Travis: I DON'T NEED YOU!

It seemed like his voice moved to the whole house. I got chills all over me. The box was on the floor and I left. Without a word. There's nothing I could do about this. We kissed- again, despite we promised we won't do it anymore.

I wanted to cry so badly. What should I tell him? What could possibly make this situation easier? With head in my hands, I was on the edge of crying- or punching someone, I wasn't sure. 
At that moment, Travis entered the room with the white box. I wasn't looking at him. 

Travis: Aby. I'm sorry. For everything. 

He was now sitting on the floor in front of me. I was looking at his dark blue eyes. If only I had more time, I could drown in them. I could see the pain, the anger, everything I was feeling. Again, without a word, I took the white box and took care of his cut. When I was done, we were both just staring at each other- not knowing what to say. 

Travis: I'm sorry, Aby. 
Abigail: It's not your fault. 
Travis: It is...
Abigail: Don't. I don't need you, Travis. And you don't need me. 

With that sentence being said, it was like a part of me just disappeared. I was completely empty now. In silence, Travis took the box and exited the room. It was painful to watch everything that was happening to us. For the next hour and a half, I was crying in my room- not sure what will that bring me.

That was the hardest, the most stupid thing I ever said. It was a big, stupid lie. I needed him- more than ever. I needed every single part of him. I needed him to hug me, to kiss me, to make me feel better. Too bad that wasn't an option. 

The school started. And every day was the same to me- being in school, talking with Joy and Kelsey, coming home and being in my room. I felt like a prisoner. To distract my mind, I studied.

At the end of the year, my grades weren't so bad like in the first semester. I was getting better again- at least at school. My mental health was getting worse- I didn't eat much, I didn't talk much, I barely got out of my room. When the school was over, I didn't have the strength for anything anymore. I simply wanted to disappear. I was empty from the inside.