396 Miles From Home- an original story

Chapter Five

"I am stronger.

I am done with feeling, how I've felt before.

I'm not going under.

These days, I don't look back I'm proud of who I am.

I'm more than a number.

I am stronger."

~ Stronger, Liberty Deep Down

A/N: Trigger warning- Talk of body image

Finley's POV

I was dancing around the green room with Emma and Kit, Izzy sitting in the make-up chair, videoing us and laughing loudly. We were just blowing off steam, after having been stuck in the arena all day. I stopped when I saw Alec's face in the doorway. He caught my eye and motioned me out. I went, quirking up my eyebrow as I went.

"I'm like, super anxious right now and I need out of the arena. Will you go on a walk with me?" he asked quietly. I nodded quickly.

"Yeah, of course. I'm ready for the show, I just have to change, which I do during ya'lls set anyway." He looked at me gratefully as he lead me to the door, where Luke, one of TSTMs security guards was waiting for us. He opened the door for us and followed us outside, into the bright sunshine.

"So, what's wrong?" I asked after a minute. We were in Prague and I hadn't gotten to see a single thing yet, so I was excited to be out walking the streets and exploring. Even if we weren't able to go very far or see much.

"I was feeling a little panicky I guess, and I just needed to leave. I feel restless."

"And you think the walk will clear your head?" He nodded. "Are you just nervous for the show, or are you getting burnt out?" He shrugged again.

"You know, either one is a valid reason to be anxious." I said. He smirked and looked over at me.

"Yes, Doctor Finley, I do know that. I have been to therapy before." He laughed. I laughed too and shook my head.

"Okay smartass, if you don't want my help I won't help." He rolled his eyes and bumped his shoulder into mine.

"I don't know if there is just one single reason why I'm so anxious, or if it's just a little bit of everything. Did I ever tell you I was on meds for a while?" I shook my head. "Yeah, antidepressants and Xanax for the panic attacks when I needed it. I still take that when I need it, but I got taken off the other stuff last year. I think when we go on break I may have to talk to my doctor about going back on meds. I can't do this being anxious all the time. Not while I'm on tour." He laughed lightly.

"Do whatever you think is best for you. Tour is hard and being on tour with anxiety is even harder. I've thought about meds but have never gone on them. I don't think I've ever really needed them." I said, shrugging. He smiled.

"I feel that. I don't know if I really am bad enough for that yet, or if I just need a break from touring. Which sounds horrible because this is all I've ever wanted to do." I laughed loudly.

"Don't I know it. I mean, touring takes a lot out of you. Some days you're literally running on empty. It's exhausting. That's why we scheduled so many breaks between shows and such long continuous breaks between legs of the tour. So, nobody got too burnt out."

"And I think we're all grateful for that." He laughed.

We walked around for a bit longer, then headed back to the arena. I had trailed behind Alec, taking pictures of the buildings we were passing. Suddenly, a person on a bike came flying past me, knocking me off the curb. Luckily, Alec had turned around fast enough and managed to catch me. We locked eyes momentarily, close enough to kiss, and God did I want him to kiss me then. But he didn't. Instead, he righted me, both of us blushing. Luke rushed up to us, asking if we were okay. We both nodded, a little bit stunned.