396 Miles From Home- an original story

Chapter Nine

"Without losing a piece of me

How do I get to heaven?

Without changing a part of me

How do I get to heaven? All my time is wasted

Feeling like my heart's mistaken, oh.

So, if I'm losing a piece of me

Maybe I don't want heaven.

~ Heaven, Troye Sivan

A/N: Trigger warning- coming out scene, talks of homophobia, racism, and panic attacks. 

Finley's POV

Today was the day of our show in Charlotte. I was alone in my green room scrolling mindlessly through my phone. I looked up as Kit walked into the room and plopped onto the couch beside me, laying her head in my lap. She sighed in content as I started playing with her hair.

"What's up Kit-Kat?" I asked, still mindlessly scrolling through my phone.

"I think I'm gay." She said quietly. I stopped scrolling and looked straight ahead, eyes wide, before I looked down at her.

"What?" I asked, still processing what she had just said.

"Gay, Finley. You know? I like girls?" she laughed a little and I smiled down at her.

"Okay. That's fine Kit. You know I'm always gonna accept you no matter what, right?" She nodded slowly. "When did you figure this out?"

"Uhm, when I kissed a girl freshman year? I knew I was attracted to girls, but I didn't really know for sure until I got my first crush and had my first kiss."

"Why didn't you ever tell me? You know I wouldn't have cared. Or at least I hope you knew I wouldn't care."

"I was scared to!" she exclaimed, sitting up. "I didn't know how you'd react and then I had doubts because God says we can't be gay, that it's a sin to lay with another man. I was told I'd end up in Hell if I was gay, and I tried to like guys, but then we met Izzy and I knew she was my soulmate and we've always known she was Pan and out and proud. I finally started to learn to accept myself. I know Izzy has a crush on me and I return those feelings, but I'm just scared of how everyone will react. I finally am okay with being gay and I can't lose that."

"Oh Kit. I accept you. I will always accept you, whoever it is that you are. Izzy and Emma will definitely accept you. Everyone else will too, but I understand that coming out is really scary. And you know how I feel about Christianity damning people to Hell. God didn't write the Bible, stupid, flawed, judgmental humans did. The God you believe in loves you and made you who you are." She cut me off by flinging her arms around me, half laughing and half crying. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tight. "I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn't tell me. I am so, so proud of you for coming out." She let go and smiled at me, wiping the tears from her eyes and resumed her position of her head in my lap.

"You never made me feel like I couldn't tell you, I just wasn't ready to tell you, to have this be out in the open. For it to be real. At least if no one else knew, I could pretend to be straight. I wish I had told you sooner though, I think it would have made everything so much easier. I wouldn't have had to carry this weight alone. I'm sorry I didn't say anything and thank you for accepting me."

"Do not be sorry Kit. I understand why you would have kept this from other people. And of course. No matter what you tell me, I'll always accept you."

"You're the best, you know that right?" she laughed.

"I know." I laughed, nudging her gently.