396 Miles From Home- an original story

Chapter Three

"Give me therapy. I'm a walking travesty.

But I'm smiling at everything.

Therapy, you were never a friend to me.

And you can keep all your misery."

~ Therapy, All Time Low

A/N: Trigger Warning; Panic attack 

Finley's POV

I was hiding in TSTM's green room while they did soundcheck. I had wanted to facetime my friend, and do it in silence, so Ethan had told me to use their green room, much to Nelly's apparent disgust. I jumped as the door slammed shut, jerking my head up to see Alec storming in. His face was pale, and his hands were shaking madly. He stumbled towards me before sinking onto the ground. I jumped up and rushed over. He shrunk into himself, like he was afraid of being hurt. I held up my hands and smiled at him, trying to show I wasn't a threat. There was a pounding on the door, then Liam's voice yelling in, "Alec! Come on! It's not a big deal. You made a mistake! It's okay!" I looked at the door, then back to Alec. I put two and two together when Alec gasped for breath. He was having a panic attack. I crouched down cautiously in front of him.

"Alec, look at me," I said gently. He looked up at me, wide-eyed and fearful.

"Do you know how to ground yourself?" He nodded. "Then do that please. Focus on your breathing. You are okay. You are safe." Liam banged on the door again, causing Alec to flinch back.

"I'm gonna go tell him you're okay." I said, standing up. Alec grabbed onto my wrist.

"Don't leave me. I don't want him here," he stuttered out. I nodded slowly.

"I'm not leaving you Lex. I'm just gonna go tell Liam to leave. I'll still be right here." He nodded and let go of my wrist, slowly searching the room with his eyes. I walked quickly over to the door and unlocked it, pulling it open. Liam looked surprised.

"He told me he didn't want you in here. Just give us, like, twenty minutes, please?" I said quickly. Liam's face softened.

"He usually likes being alone," he admitted, running his hand through his hair. I sighed.

"I know what to do to help a panic attack. I have anxiety too, remember? I'll make sure he's okay." Liam studied me for a moment, then sighed.

"Just make sure he doesn't hurt himself."

"Of course, Liam." I smiled. Liam tried to smile and headed back to the stage. I got the feeling that Liam wasn't entirely okay with this, or maybe with me. Liam and I were friends and we got along really well; I just got the feeling that he was protecting his brother. Which I was perfectly okay with. He'd get over it eventually. I shut the door again and walked back to the couch, where Alec was now sitting. I offered him a gentle smile and sat beside him. He leaned his head on my shoulder in response. He was no longer panicking, but I could tell he was still on edge.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, until Alec let out a breath.

"Don't hate me," he whispered quietly.

"Of course not. I would never hate you." I said firmly.

"I'm sorry I never told you. Even after you were so open about your anxiety. It's not something I like to talk about."

"There's no need to apologize, Alec. Not everyone is so open about this stuff. I understand."

"The panic attacks don't happen often anymore. Sometimes, m-most of the time I'm okay. On stage, it's like nothing else matters. It's an escape I guess. As crazy as that sounds, b-but sometimes I screw up and I'll freak out. Typically, Liam or Nelly c-can come over and I'll c-calm down again. It doesn't always w-work, or I'll fight through it and have the panic attack later. It's-it's ridiculous."