Chasing my Dream

Chapter 67

The last week had been odd.  Well odder than normal.   When Derek visited he would ask if I was ok and if I needed anything.   It was strange to hear a little concern in his voice but I didn't cling onto it. He was following orders.  That's all. 

I hadn't seen Derek for a couple of days and I was beyond bored.   I hadn't even bothered showering and was lay on the sofa in the lounge watching the fire.   It was cold and I had lit the fire.  I watched the flames dance and I would give anything to do anything. 

Derek had come in and asked if I needed anything.  I shook my head.   He moved to the kitchen making notes on what groceries I needed.   He again asked if I was ok.  I just nodded, I didn't even bother to make eye contact. 

He returned the next day with food and I was still in the same spot.  He walked over to me.  "For gods sake woman it's not over yet stop giving up" he left and I turned and watched his retreating figure.

What's not over yet.  I sat up slowly.  Derek was more than I realised and maybe I had missed something feeling sorry for myself.   I got up and showered.   I went to the kitchen and decided on food.   Checking the cupboards I decided on some crepes and bacon.  

Once I had finished I opened my draw and sat in the middle of my plastic cutlery was a switchblade.   I froze.  Derek had left me a weapon.  Oh my god.   Expectation coiled inside me like a snake ready to lash out.   He had given me something back.   Hope.

I slipped the knife up my sleeve and I enjoyed my meal more than I have in a long time.   Once I got to the bathroom I looked for a hiding place.   I found a gap behind the toilet and sneaked in the knife. 

I wanted to paint.   I took out the equipment sat in front of the easel and closed my eyes.   I saw a shoreline with a Rocky Mountain to the left.   An angry sea lashing around with huge waves. 

I mixed my paint and began.  I felt the electricity in my hand as I stroked out the paint teasing the lines and mixing the colour.  I drifted in and out of awareness as I let my soul guide the paint.  

When I felt the heaviness straining in my arm and the pain of cramp I stopped.  I looked at the picture and saw the swirls of water.  The anger was apparent but between the break of the waves I saw the passion, the desperation and the pure strength.  

I smiled.   It was a great start for the painting and for me.   No more sallow sappy moments.  I cleaned up the paint and brushes and changed for the gym. 

Exercise was my drug.  Panting and sweating were part of my life.  I dragged myself until I felt my body shake.   Grabbing water from the fridge I jumped in the shower.  

Afterwards I plaited my hair and pulled on a velvet jumpsuit.  I pulled out a steak and made a small salad and after eating I picked up a book.  I finally found enough peace to read. 

The next few days were very similar and I kept my head in place.   My painting was finally finished and it erupted from the canvas.   I placed a sheet over it just as I heard someone come in. 

I walked in the lounge expecting Derek and discovered Pierre.  He looked tired. 

"I wasn't expecting you" I said softly.   He turned to look at me with the most emotion I'd seen in a long time.   "Do you want a drink?  I have something I show you" I said.

His eyes perked at my statement.  "My angel show me your surprise and then Drink with me" he said lifting a bottle of champagne. 

I walked back into my bedroom and he followed.   I stopped by the easel and his eyes shone.  "Show me angel" he said.