A new reality (Sayonika)

Monika

Natsuki and Yuri both just left the clubroom, leaving me and Sayori behind. I look over at her, feeling nervous for some reason, and wait for her to finish packing up her stuff so I could lock the door. I noticed her glance at me for a few second, smile then turn back to her stuff, slowly dropping each item into her bag. Her smile was nice and it made me feel warm inside, a complicated feeling that I didn't want to understand anymore. I still don't understand how I fell for her so quickly, maybe it's desperation or the need to fulfill my own desires, perhaps I want someone to make me feel better about myself. I don't really know what I want anymore, good friends? I already have those. A girlfriend? Don't think I'll be getting one anytime soon. A future? Not so sure about that. Happiness? I don't deserve that anymore.

"Are you ready to go Monika?" she said, tapping my shoulder which made me flinch.

"Oh, y-yeah, let's go," I said, trying to play it off cool.

I started to head towards the door but I felt Sayori hold onto my wrist and gently pull me back. I was met by her eyes, which looked up at me with slight concern and confusion. I smiled awkwardly at her, realising her close I was to her and how that made me feel.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"W-What? I'm fine," I replied.

"No you're not, I can tell when you're upset," Sayori said, sliding her hand down my wrist until in was in my hand.

I hesitated, feeling bad for worrying her, I don't want her to be troubled in any way. As much as I wanted to tell her, I didn't want to dump my worries and issues onto her, she's been through enough.

"It's nothing much, just a bit of a moody episode, it'll pass soon," l said, squeezing her hand to reassure her.

"Are you sure? I'm still worried."

"Yeah, there's no need to be worried about me, I'm perfectly fine," I replied.

"Okay, if you say so," she said.

She quickly glanced down at our hands which were still linked together and giggled, making me blush from embarrassment. I instantly let go, feeling awkward once again and a little sad that our moment had passed.

"Sorry," I muttered, "we should probably go now."

"Good idea," she skipped out of the room, I followed her.

I locked the door behind us and we walked out of the school in an awkward silence. Things had been like this between us for a couple of days now, I wanted to break this silence.

"So how have you been?" I asked.

"Things haven't changed but it's okay, I'm alright," Sayori answered, smiling at me.

The smile looked a little forced, I could see the pain behind the facade.

"Are you sure? You can always talk to me Sayori," I said.

"Well, like I said, not much has changed but I like it like that. I like that things are still the same," she replied, her voice sounding sad.

"Well, I just want to make sure your okay," I said.

"I know you do, Moni, and I appreciate that a lot," she said.

Moni? She's given me a nickname? My heart fluttered a little hearing this and I chuckled at this feeling. She looked up me, confused.

"When did you think of the nickname then?" I asked.

"Oh god, it just came to me. I'm sorry," she giggled, covering her slightly pink face.