A new reality (Sayonika)

Yuri

Feel the need to give a proper trigger warning for this one, it gets very intense. Judging by the title of the chapter, I think you can have a small guess at what it's gonna involve. Not gonna say much more.

The scars... They're too much. I look down at my arm and see the zigzag lines that stretched across my skin, they had started to fade, I didn't like that. I tried to distract myself by writing a new poem for the pamphlets but I couldn't get past the word "light" which was part of the fucking title.

"Control it, Yuri, don't give in," I whispered to myself, a desperate attempt to stop this madness.

My hands were shaking as I picked up my pen, I couldn't even control my own body anymore. I tried writing but my hand writing looked horrible, it was messy and went all over the page. In my annoyance, I slammed my hand on the table.

"You're fucking useless," I hissed.

I dropped the pen and stood up from my chair, marching over to my bed. I knelt down, slid my hand underneath it and searched for a large box which contained all my smaller boxes. I pulled it out and took the lid off, revealing my beautiful collection, each blade in its individual container to keep them safe. I had labelled each of them so I could always pick one that fit my mood, I gave them names that matched their designs. They were all perfect, they were all loved equally and they were like my best friends. I picked up a box labelled "Adam" and took the knife out. It was such a pretty one as well. A skull with little devil horns and ruby red eyes, such a pretty sight to behold, one that I lusted for, a demon named Adam.

"Only a few wouldn't hurt," I said, rolling down my sleeve and placing the knife against my paper.

I pressed down, waiting patiently for the first drop of ink to spill, when it did I went in deeper, trying to get more of that beautiful liquid to fall from my paper. The pain was tolerable, I had been through it so many times before that I was now just numb to it, I didn't mind that though, the pain was the best part for me.

It was difficult to explain, no one would ever understand the feeling of the knives and the intense emotions that would rush through my body, it was as if I were high on ecstacy, in my own state of euphoria, I loved it. People are desperate for me to stop using my blades but they're the only thing that makes me feel truly happy, they make me feel alive.

Deeper and deeper my knife went as if it were exploring a dark cave, discovering the veins hiding in the nooks and crannies. Digging and digging. Cutting and cutting.

I only stop when I feel myself go lightheaded, a dizziness that I had never felt before. The world around me spun and I glanced down at my wrist, I had cut on the inside today, where all my important veins were. I giggled at first, the thrill of the knife still pumping through me like the ink leaking out my wound but I soon found that adrenaline wearing off and I found myself coming back to my senses. What the hell was I doing? I didn't want to die, that's not my intent at all!

I quickly reached over to the box of tissues I kept nearby and plucked a lot from it, covering the cuts. The blood soaked through but I held it down, hoping it would cut the blood flow.

My attempts at staying conscious were futile as
I
Slowly
Started
To
Fall
Into
Slumber

...

***************************

Everything was blurry, everything was fuzzy. My eyes fluttered open, attempting to adjust to the light from my lamp. I noticed a few things as I slowly started to gain consciousness, the aching pain in my wrist and back, the pounding headache attacking my head, a heavy feeling in my body and... something else. I let my vision adjust before sitting up, hissing in pain. I must have fallen on the floor when I fell asleep, that explains the back pain. Luckily I didn't bleed out, the blood flow seemed to have stopped in time before things got fatal, my carpet was covered in blood though and its gonna take forever to get those stains out. I stood up, holding onto my chair for support, and made my way over to my bed, ill get some bandages in a minute.

It seems I got a little too lost in my own world, looks like I'm gonna have to throw my school skirt in the wash for tonight. I didn't want to, I was so tired, but I had to push on and get stuff done, I had to cover up my unintentional attempt.

I searched for my phone to see if anyone tried to call me, I didn't want anyone to worry about me when I was fine. I saw the Sayori had texted me earlier, maybe about 9 minutes ago. I opened it up to see what she said.

"Monika said she wasn't going to be in tomorrow so I'm in charge tomorrow

...

I'm going to assume you're asleep right now, hope you see this message soon."

I quickly replied.

"Sorry I had a little nap earlier, I've only just seen this. I don't think I'll be at school tomorrow either, I feel a little under the weather. See you soon."

It took her about a minute to reply which was unusual for Sayori as she always responded straight away.

"Okay, I hope you feel better."

"Thank you."

I sighed and got up once again, staggering out of the room to the bathroom where I kept all my "post-writing" supplies. I looked at the wound and winced when I saw how big it was, I didn't mean for it to be like this. I cleaned it up, wrapped a few bandages around it and went back to my room to get changed into something more comfy, I needed to wash my school clothes anyways.

When I was finally finished, I collapsed onto my bed, tired as hell. I was pretty much done for the day even though I had that nap earlier. It really knocked the wind out of me. There was one final thing I had to do though, I needed to finish my poem. I grabbed a new sheet of paper and grabbed my pen, writing as quick as I could before I fell asleep, lost to this mortal coil temporarily.