happy pill

it's like suddenly

I took this magic pill

and I was given the gift of reason

and all my fears seemed to disappear

my anxieties subsided

or at least they were dulled out

beneath the surface

the layer of fog

on top of all my other emotions

became lifted

suddenly I could feel

everything I was supposed to feel

everything that was numbed out

and only came alive

in the worst way

when I was in pain

when I was alone

but now

the apathy has come crawling back

with a vengeance

and I don't even know

if I would call it a sadness

because I have nothing to blame it on

and the only people who understand

who feel the same way

and go through the same thing

don't know what to do either

they tell me what I already know

so that I know I'm not alone

but there's no answer

there's no solution anyone can give me

and I've run out of ways to express myself

when he asks me

what is wrong?

because the answer is

honestly

nothing

I just don't feel right

I don't feel like myself

and sometimes

I don't even know

who that's supposed to be