1.1 The Chronicles of Us - Vice & Virtue

Chapter three

I'm freaking out!

Why the heck did we decide to get married this early in the morning? I'm not even a morning person. David is. I like stargazing and midnight skies.

And midnight eyes.

No! I can't think about that right now. I'm literally moments away from walking down the aisle for Pete's sake! I pull at the body of my dress to get some air. Where did all the oxygen go?

Nerves are normal. Panic, though? Snap out of it! There's no reason to feel this way. I've been with David for years. Nothing will really change.

Nothing will ever change.

I take a deep breath and another and another. Everything is perfect. Well, almost. The dress is a little too poofy but it looks good on me. My hair is done in a lovely updo; a low bun resting at the nape of my neck. Although, I prefer a messy topknot to be honest. I look exactly how a bride should look—straight out of a magazine—and yet, something's missing.

I glance at my reflection in one of the large church windows. Where is my smile? Even the empty one I wear so well seems hard to muster.

I can't look myself in the eyes, so I start pacing in front of the double doors that lead to the hall. Bunches of white baby's breath hang from the pews and a white runner is placed down the aisle. All to showcase my virtue. The thought makes me uneasy. Surprisingly, not because of the fact that I kissed another man. No, I don't want people to view me as a fragile and modest little doll.

That's not me. After last night, I know that for sure. My thoughts have been nothing but indecent, and then there was that dream. I feel hot thinking about. The way he had his tattooed arms around me, kissing me and ripping my clothes off before—

That's not an option!

I crack one of the doors open and peek at David. His grey suit looks crisp. A little boring, perhaps. He stands next to the altar, impatiently glancing at his watch. I'm not sure why, but the last couple of years he seemed impatient with me. Like I'm wasting his time or something. He became that way when I started college. A redundant decision, according to him.

I tug at my dress again. I can barely breath. My father will be here any minute now to give me away. Where did the time go? Where is my voice?

"Ellie?"

With a deep breath, I try to compose myself. "Maggie? What are you doing here? You should be seated."

She fidgets with the pink dress she's wearing. It's not her color but she picked something nice for my wedding. True to her style, she opted for Chucks instead of heels. "I just came to check how you're doing."

I dig my nails in the palms of my hands to hide the panic that is badgering my lungs. "I'm fine. Just a little nervous."

"A little nervous?" Her eyes widen with disbelief. "You look like you're about to walk down death row."

And the Oscar for lousiest actress goes to ...

"Really, I am—"

"Don't lie to me!" She grabs my hands and looks at me. Not with pity but with determination. "Be honest, do you want to marry David?"

No.

"I don't know ... "

"You do know!" Her hands are now on my shoulders, shaking me up. "He is a controlling asshole and I'm sure I don't even know the half of it."

She doesn't.

This dress feels too tight, my shoes too small and the decision I have to make too heavy. My mind is running wild but my feet remain frozen. Frantic rambling is all I manage to do."Everybody is here. Everything is paid for. Everyone expects this of me!"

"Fuck them and fuck the money." She drags me behind the olive tree that was put there especially for the wedding. I don't even like olives. "Be selfish for once. You don't have to please everyone. You need to do this for you. Just go!"

Yes, Mom.

Yes, Dad.

Yes, David.

"It's not that sim—"

"Yes, it is," she interrupts, trying to convince me with her eyes. "Hitch a ride, hail a cab, catch a bus! Just leave before it's too late."

A tour bus?

My hearts suddenly pounds dangerously fast. Not only with fear, also with ... excitement.

I bite my lip but it's no use. "I kissed someone yesterday!"

Maggie's eyes widen in surprise. "Who?"

Heat reaches my neck. "The singer of that band."

Something proud appears on her face. "That's pretty cool, actually, but we don't have time to gossip about it now—" She taps the glass of her watch. "—time is ticking."

When did time become a scarcity?

A foe instead of a friend?

I force myself to speak but my voice is small. "He asked me to come along on his tour."

"He did?" Her eyes almost bulge out of their sockets before she grimaces. "They're probably already gone."

I grab her wrist and read the time. My pulse quickens even more. "Not yet, but they will be soon."

"What are you waiting for?" She grins widely while kicking off her shoes. "Put them on and go!"

Why am I not moving?

Just do it!

"That kiss meant nothing." I look away, not sure how I feel about it to begin with. "He was joking anyway."

An impatient groan escapes her lips. "This is not about him. You are in dire need of a little life. Do you want to go?"

Yes!

Even though there's a hurricane of emotions whirling through my head, my muscles don't react. I can't just leave everything behind and disappoint the ones I love on a whim, a moment of confusion. Although, months of doubt can hardly be considered a moment.

Can I?

Talking about it is one thing, going through with it ...

When my father's voice comes from around the corner, my mind accepts defeat. It's too late. The ceremony is about to start. This is my life. This is my fate.

I take a deep breath and smoothen the wrinkles that I created by clenching the tule. "I'm sorry Maggs. I have to do this. I made a promise to David."

A promise I might regret for the rest of my life.

♡♡♡♡

A/N

Fly, Birdie, fly! 🕊

X Dionne