Him~ Mattia Polibio

Day 46

Wednesday

Fuck fuck fuckkkk. Mattia still hasn't answered my messages fuck!!!!

Mattia(my Italian kid)

Hey
Meet me at the soccer field.

Oh now you want to talk??
You have been leaving me on read for the past 6 hours!

Elle
Guys please meet me there at 12 I want us to talk in person

Fine
read

————————————————————
I started getting ready for class. I started to do my hair before I got a call from Lucas telling me about how upset that Camille isn't pregnant. He said he wanted drama in the family. He's so dumb.

I walked out the door and straight into English class.

Lee: uhhh
Elle: don't get me started
Lee: you smoked without me??
Elle: how did you know
Lee: girl have you looked in the mirror
Elle: no not that much
Lee: your eyes are red bruh
Elle: how red
Lee: eh it could be worse
Elle: ughhhh is this day couldn't get any worse
Lee: what happened
Elle: I'll explain later

Ms canda:everyone, hello??!
Everyone's attention went to the professor in the front of the class.
Ms canda:I'm drowning in work here. You guys are able to sit outside and woke quietly while I try and grade everything.
Everyone's faces lit up.

Lee and I made our way outside sitting on the bench under the oak tree.
Lee: we really gonna sit outside
Lee: lest rather go to the dorms cmon
Elle: nah I've been stuck in there for wayyy too long.
Elle: what did you need todo yesterday that you missed out plans
Lee: we had plans?
Elle: no well not yet I was gonna make plans tho
Lee: I was with my parents
Elle: why I said while laughing
Lee: they wanted to catch up and stuff
Elle: awww so sweet
Elle: can't relate
I laid down on the bench, laying my head onto lees lap
Lee: your parents are nice stop complaining
I raised my eyebrows at Lee's words
Elle: uhh next caller

Lee: so why you look so sad
Elle: ugh
Elle: i don't know i feel like Mattia hates me
Lee laughed and then stopped, realizing I was being serious
Lee: Elle, he loves you I'm sure he doesn't hate you
Elle: you didn't see how he was talking to me yesterday and today
Lee: ok let me see then.

I brought my phone out showing lee all the text messages
Lee: did you do anything wrong recently
Elle: nope, not that I can think of
Lee: then don't be scared, he probably just wants to talk ok
Elle: I'm trusting you right now, cause you are probably right
Lee: uhh say that last part again
Elle: Nope I'm never saying it again

Soon enough class was over and I had my last class with Lana, bio, yay

{12:10}

I decided to be late a little you know to keep him waiting and shit. I walked over to the field seeing Mattia already there with a hoodie and sweatpants as usual

Mattia: hey he said while smiling and kissing my cheek
Ok maybe he doesn't hate me and just wants to talk
Elle: hey
Elle: what did you want to talk about.
Mattia: you remember my first soccer game
Elle; of course, I met all the boys there I'll never forget the way Roshaun introduced everyone I said while laughing.
Mattia: we've done so much together already I mean you met my parents and stuff
I smiled softly at all the words that were flowing out of Mattias mouth. I slowly zoned out not realizing. I don't think mattia noticed either at least.

Elle: what did you need to talk about I said while making eye contact
Mattia looked down onto his lap
Mattia: right now I'm not feeling so good with everything. I feel like I'm just not as happy and stuff
Elle: oh I said looking down
Mattia placed his hand onto my leg trying to comfort me from what he was going to say next
Mattia: I just don't think you are getting what you deserve
Elle: what I said raising my eyebrows
Mattia: I think we should break up. It's for the better
Tears started forming in my eyes. Everything was just blurry
Elle: did I, did I do something wrong  I said trying to hide my face from all the tears
Mattia: no no baby, I mean ,Elle
Him saying that made me feel even worse does he not love me anymore
Mattia: I just think that right now I'm not giving you what you deserve
Elle: mattia
Our eyes connected again
Elle: you gave me happiness, you have gave me something that I was never able to feel. You made me feel loved when no one was able to love me back.
Tears were forming into mattias eyes as well. His hand shaking
Mattia: we can be friends ok, but I just think that you deserve someone so much better than me

I engulfed Mattia into into a long hug. His hand higher than what they used to be. He rubbed my back slightly as I cried into the crook of his neck.
I pulled away from the hug while Mattia leaned in connecting our lips for probably the last time. The kiss was passionate it wasn't fast, just slow.
Mattia; one last kiss mattia said while smiling
Elle: is this why you didn't talk to me for almost the whole week
Mattia nodded slowly while closing his eyes as tears started dripping down his face.
Elle: what about your fans
Mattia: Tomorrow I'll post about it and you can as well if you want.
Elle: ok I said with a loss of emotions

I was at a loss of words i couldn't believe what was just happening. Was this some sick prank or maybe just a nightmare.

I walked up to the dorm room still in a daze. Maybe I'm just imagining it. I put on my playlist "time to cry uncomfortably" and flopped onto my bed.

Tears were just streaming down my face. Even tho we said we can remain friends it still hurt deep down.

I phoned lee cause I didn't want todo something dumb.

Lee: hey bitchhh
Elle: le- le- lee
Lee: hey hey hey what's wrong
Elle: please come over
Lee: on my way.
I heard lees door slam close through the phone and unlocked my door waiting

Lee walked in and immediately gave me a huge hug
Lee: hey hey it's ok. There's always someone else
Elle: ho- how did you know
Lee: I saw mattia crying as he entered his dorm and assumed
Elle: he told me he loved me literally 2 weeks ago and now look I started crying again
Lee: hey stop crying. At least he told you and isn't just hanging a string in front of you
Elle: he made me so happy
Lee: I know I know

It's all my fault. I didn't keep him happy. I didn't make him happy

Don't kill me😀

Streaks don't HMU 😭

Word count: 1181