The Secret Memory

One

'My decision is final,' said Uther, hands planted on the armrests of the chair. He stared straight ahead, deliberately beyond where his son stood.

Arthur's eyes widened. But he said nothing.

'Sir Ethan will take over from this afternoon. You'll be on reduced duties. Now, we have other matters to discuss.'

Arthur looked at his father for a moment longer, his controlled expression held in place, just. He could feel the eyes of the other knights on his back. 'Yes, sire,' he said and nodded once. There was no reasoning with his father.

When he turned and walked out of the council chamber, he made sure to avoid the men's eyes. Their stare reminded him of the time he tripped on the cobblestones and fell to the ground. A bright red gash split across his knee, seeping through the rip of his trouser. He had been eight years old. The crowd that circled around him that day had the same pitying expression as these men.

***

When Arthur walked into his chamber Merlin was there, packing away his clothes. 'We have all the provisions we need for tomorrow,' said Merlin.

Arthur silently took off his long coat.

'The usual response would be a "thank you",' Merlin said again. 'I'm sure you're at least a bit impressed.' He energetically folded a cape.

'I will not be needing them, Merlin.'

'Oh. Did something else come up?'

'No.' Arthur sat at his table and continued, without making eye contact. 'Sir Ethan will take over some of my duties from now on. I will not be leading the knights tomorrow.'

Merlin swallowed, he turned his head to look at the prince. Arthur looked ahead with a hollow stare. 'Why is that?'

'I...have a decree to read through.' Arthur finally looked at Merlin. 'You can take your break now.'

'Um. Sure.' Merlin walked to the door then pivoted around. 'Arthur?'

'What?' Arthur snapped.

Merlin froze at the sudden tension in Arthur's tone. But he continued anyway. He could guess that Uther didn't appreciate what happened at Creston. So Arthur needed to hear this. 'You know you did the right thing with that man. He wasn't using sorcery for anything evil.'

Arthur's men had received reports about the young man at Creston weeks ago. Word was that the trader always seemed to have more supply than his competitors. As if he conjured them from thin air. It turned out, he more or less did. He used magic.

Uther wanted the man dead –an order Arthur and the knights were to carry out when they arrested the man at Creston. But when he was brought forth before Arthur and shoved down on his knees, the man pleaded for mercy. He swore he would conduct his trade using only honest methods, tears brimming in his eyes. He swore he would never use magic again.

Arthur listened to him. Then calmly replied he had to pay for his crime.

The man looked at a young woman in the crowd and this time he cried. He pleaded again for his life, saying he didn't want to leave his newly married wife a widow.

Finally, Arthur decided his life should be spared. He could not make profit from his trade –not until he had completed paying a fine. And he certainly couldn't practice magic. Should he be found doing so again, he would pay with his life.

'It was the wrong decision,' Arthur told Merlin now. His father was not happy to hear of his leniency when he returned from Creston. But what really drove Uther to fury was when Arthur had the gall to defend his decision. In front of the whole council.

As Merlin left the chamber, Arthur thought back to the council room.

'Father, this man's crimes would not be punished by death, had he not used magic,' he had said.

'But because he has, he should have been executed for the greater crime of using magic,' Uther had replied.

'Shouldn't we take his actions and intention into account –not merely some ability he was born with? Something he couldn't choose? Yes, he should be punished for choosing to use it for fraud. But surely he shouldn't be killed in the first instance?'

'There is no second chance for sorcerers. There is no leniency towards them.' The king's pale eyes had burned into Arthur's. 'I am disappointed that my own son does not understand it after all this time.' Uther looked away from him. 'Which is why I fear I have prematurely given you the task of leading the knights of Camelot.'

Arthur swallowed. 'Father, that is not true.'

'You have more growing up to do. You will be removed from your position.'

Saying those words to his father was a bad idea. But he couldn't help it, the image of that sorceress Morgause and who he believed was his mother was still fresh in his mind. What if his father had been wrong –what if that was his mother? A part of him still believed what he told Merlin that day, that not all magic might be evil.

In his peripheral vision, Arthur had seen the other men shift uncomfortably. He had stood there rooted, numb, thinking back to that day when he fell down and cut his knee.

******

Author note: I was sure my Merlin fanfic days were over. Then 2020 happened. Oh well! I love hearing people falling in love with this show for the first time and also the thoughts of the 'original' fans like me. Also, loved all the Merlin related things this year. Hope you like this story –let me know all about it in the comments! Here's to the #OnceAndFutureFandom