The Secret Memory

Nine

Arthur could no longer deny what he felt was betrayal. That's what it was –a sting of betrayal- when he thought of Merlin keeping his magic from him. They hadn't known each other for long, but in that time Arthur had let Merlin see the real him. Something he rarely let others see. Surely, Merlin should have returned it? He hated admitting it, but that was what stung –that Merlin didn't trust him enough to tell him the truth. That he saw him as the Crown Prince of Camelot, after all. And not a friend.

Then again, perhaps that was exactly what he would have done if he were in Merlin's position. He remembered the haunted look in Merlin's eyes when he spoke of his first day in Camelot.

A bouquet of roses came into Arthur's view in the vaulted corridor, making his thoughts scatter. 'Guinevere,' he greeted, and made a curious face at the bouquet she was holding bound in twine and leaves.

She looked down at them. 'They're for Morgana.'

'Another secret admirer?'

'Not "secret". Lord Errol. For cheering for him at the feast.'

Arthur made an amusing raise of the eyebrows. Ladies and lending their lucks at tournaments and feast games. His eyes caught on Gwen's. He remembered the strip of cloth she had given him for his joust, her token of luck. He couldn't quite recall where he had placed such tokens in the past when they arrived from other ladies. But not hers. He had kept that one safe.

Arthur cleared his throat to break the awkward silence. Or maybe to stop the flood of memories. The token. The sunlight pouring through her cottage window. Their first kiss.

Did he really say he wanted to forget all that?

'Lord Errol is...' he tried to think of something to say. 'Very good with his...choice of flowers.'

'Well, roses usually do the trick. Or any flower, I suppose, if one truly loves the lady they're giving them to. Not that, it's love.' She swallowed. 'I mean, not always. Lord Errol has only seen her, maybe twice?'

Arthur gave a half smile. She was trying to stop the memories too. It wasn't so long ago that he had given her a rose. Would they really be better off forgetting moments like that? Maybe the bit where Lady Vivian was involved. Not that Arthur remembered much of that, due to the enchantment. But from what he heard of it, he decided the things with Vivian never happened.

'I should get these to Morgana,' said Gwen.

'Yes.' Gwen had obviously decided to forget that day when he gave her the rose. He should too, especially when she said she couldn't be his princess. 'Wait.'

'What is it?'

Arthur carefully pulled out one of the roses in Gwen's arms. 'It looks better this way.' He handed her the single rose. 'Don't you think? It is more...' Great, he sounded like an idiot. '...pleasing to the eye.'

Gwen took the rose, unable to help the corner of her lips go up in a smile. 'I suppose you're right.'

With his thoughts running many directions, Arthur entered his chamber. He took out Ulrich's ring, the scroll tucked away in the hidden compartment.

It wasn't easy pretending to forget something, pretending to not know. Which was why he needed Merlin's help.

***

'Weren't we supposed to go hunting tomorrow afternoon?' said Merlin with a huff, trudging up the forest slope.

'That's part of training. This is recreational,' Arthur replied, skipping up a stair of fallen logs.

'Who does the same thing for both work and fun?'

Arthur stopped and turned to Merlin. 'You can use your magic.'

Suddenly Merlin's eyes were filled with caution.

'Come on, we all know how much of a lousy shot you are. It's only fair.'

'And we all know I don't go hunting for recreation.'

True to his words, Merlin didn't do any of the actual hunting. But he did use his powers.

Arthur stood in front of a pile of firewood, facing away from it. Suddenly there was a whip of air and a rise of heat at his ankles. He jumped away from it and turned to see a small fire. Merlin lowered his arm from the direction of the fire he cast. 'You did say I can use magic.'

They ate the roast rabbit like old times, even speaking of magic here and there until it was time to pack up again.

Under the green canopy of the woods, they walked the path back to their horses. 'Arthur, I didn't get to say it, but thank you.'

'For?'

'You know, accepting my powers. Not chopping my head off, if we're being frank.'

Arthur smiled at the path ahead. 'I'm sure I have plenty to thank you for.'

'I see nothing to dispute there.'

Arthur remained silent while he secured what he carried with him to the saddle. Finally he got something out of his satchel. 'Merlin, there is one more thing I want you to do for me.' He held up his cupped hand, revealing the object he took out. Ulrich's ring. 'I want you to erase my memory of your magic.'