The Secret Memory

Five

'Can't sleep?' Arthur asked louder than he needed to.

'Well, I could, before you asked that.' Merlin tucked the blanket tighter around him, absorbing as much of the heat as he could.

'You know this ring?' Arthur didn't even try to sleep. He had his eyes on the thin stream of clouds above.

'What about it?'

'If you had it, what would you do?'

Merlin turned to face Arthur and gave him a look across the small campfire. 'I wouldn't need it for anything.'

'Really? Is there nothing you'd want to forget? Some dark secret –something of a burden?' Arthur brought his eyes back down and turned to face Merlin.

His servant's eyes looked unusually pale, reflecting the firelight. They were full of fear.

Merlin lay on his back, avoiding Arthur's eyes. 'Why -do you have some dark secret you want to forget?' There was no reply. 'Oh, I forget. A simple man like you wouldn't really have deep, dark secrets would they?' Merlin expected Arthur to mirror his bantering tone.

He didn't. 'Now that I think about it, it wouldn't be too bad if I could forget...my feelings for Guinevere.'

Merlin didn't see that coming. He remembered the things Arthur confessed at the woods the day they set out to rescue Gwen from Hengist. 'You shouldn't say that,' he replied quietly.

'It would be convenient. If both of us could forget, I mean. It's not even that my father wouldn't allow it...the two of us. He would probably, I don't know, banish her or something. I wouldn't want that to happen to her.'

'Of course not. But everything is a part of who we are. That man was using it on someone for his own advantage. Which is bad enough. But I don't think anyone should do something like that to themselves. They shouldn't tamper with their memories.'

For a moment all they heard was the low crackle of the campfire.

'So,' Arthur spoke, 'you haven't told us your secret, Merlin.'

There was a dash of a threat in Arthur's voice that Merlin couldn't understand. He turned his back on him. 'You wouldn't find it interesting.'

***

The breakfast stew didn't sit well in Merlin's stomach. Something about Arthur made him uneasy on this quest. He ignored it, thinking Arthur wasn't his usual self, being under pressure to please Uther. But it all became real last night. There was something about the way he asked about Merlin's secret. Like he already knew it.

You could have stopped it.

Then there was that; why would Arthur say that when he stepped into the trap?

'How long do we have-'

A metallic slice cut through his words. Arthur was sharpening his sword, as if taking out his anger by striking the weapon with the whetstone.

'What was that?' Arthur paused.

'How long do we have to go?'

'We should reach Ulrich's manor by noon.'

'And then what? You arrest him and he just complies?'

'No. I have Ethan and some knights waiting in the next town.'

'Well, why didn't you say so when I asked?'

'Because.' The emphasis was apparently enough to tell Merlin what the prince wanted.

Merlin didn't drop his eyes from Arthur's fierce gaze. What exactly was Arthur trying to tell him?

The anger evaporated from Arthur's eyes. And his voice. He put the stone aside and sheathed the sword. 'It's a part of our strategy. If we all came together, Ulrich may have become aware of our move.'

'Right. You could have told me that.'

Arthur rose and started packing up. 'People don't always say things when they have the chance to,' he muttered.