Of The Stars That Breathe

6. Revelations.

"So....are you excited to come to Faridabad?", Ajey asked me. There was a hint of hesitation in his voice.
I could not believe him!
"Don't you fucking dare to change the fucking topic!", I screamed at him.
One look at me and he fell silent.

The phone call with Dakshita had ended rather abruptly. She blabbered on excitedly for a minute or two before I snatched the phone and diconnected it. Almost immediately, I switched it off. I didn't know what to do anything else.
Maybe I'll tell Dakshita the truth.
Maybe I'll just tell her that the connection went all haywire. I didn't care about it at all. But more than angry, I was disappointed.
More disappointed in me than in Ajey.

Why, Ahalya?
You knew what people did to you when you let them in your life just for a tiny moment, don't you?
Aur phir toh yeh aakhir ek stranger hee hai na?
Fuck the fact that he is the biggest YouTuber in India.
He lied to you.
He....

"At least speak something.", Ajey said from beside me. We were again sitting on the sand. But this time, our feet were somewhat in the sea with the seawater gently lapping at our feets at regular intervals.

"I trusted you.", I said almost inaudibly, making no attempt to hide the quiver in my voice.
His hand made a movement to touch my arms, "Ahal-".

"I trusted you, Ajey.", I said again, a little louder, almost on the verge of tears.
"Just listen to me!", he said in a very desperate tone.
My silence gave him the cue to carry on.

"I know you trusted me. I know that what I did was wrong. I know it all. But I have reasons. Ahalya, when I saw you at the bar- I mean- God, how do I explain it to you! The way you had spoken to me there- vaise aaj tak kisi ne nahi baat ki. And beleive me, it wasn't that my ego was hurt or anything. When I meet someone for the first time, they either are so excited or they straight up hug me. But you- you were just standing there- Ahalya, you had no fucking idea who I was! See, being famous comes at a price. I haven't had a normal life like a normal person has. Somewhere along the way, the normalcy was lost. Until I met you. I didn't better earlier, Ahalya! I thought it was normal to feel so famous and not have that normalcy. Until I met you. You made me realise what I was missing out on And you ,Ahalya, you treated me like no one has ever done. Ab main tujhe kaise samjhaun?! When I meet someone new, they just get overwhelmed by seeing me. They treat me like the guy who I am in my videos. But tonight, I felt different. I was me, the real me, with you. You had no idea who I was and when you asked that what I did, I just wanted ke tujhe pata na chale that who I truely am. Because then, it wouldn't have been the same. All of this wouldn't have been the same, would it? Until now, I used to think that this popular life is so much better than my earlier one. You proved me wrong; so wrong. After all this years of shining in the default limelight, you made me realise that my true self lies in that shy, introverted Ajey who would be surprised if someone called out his name in a room full of people. And I feel at peace now."

I didn't knew he felt this way.
I understood him.
No, I really understood him.
But, nonetheless, he had lied.
I so desperately wanted to tell him that I got him; that what he did was okay.
But, there was this thing inside me that was already broken. Not by him. But by me, myself. I had let so many people inside and they had always left me broken.
Mujhe pata hai that it was not Ajey's fault, but I couldn't-
I just couldn't.

I wasn't going to meet him in Faridabad. I had been stupid when I thought that I wanted to live. I couldn't live and go through all that pain again. No.

"Ajey- I- I can't. I just can't. Although I think I understand you, I just can't!", I felt my voice rising.
"I have let so many people in and they all turned their back. I am so hurt. I am alone, Ajey! I am so fucking alone!
And why do you care so much, huh? Why are you trying to prove yourself and my forced importance in your life? You are not answerable to me! I know you don't care! No one has ever cared, so why would you, a complete fucking stranger, care? And why the hell do you keep asking about Faridabad? Jab main kal pills le lungi, toh Faridabad toh chhodo, I won't be goi-", I stopped abrutly when I realised that what I had just said.