BOOK I The Divine Chronicles: The Time Turner

The Hooded Divine

The cartoonish environment of Wonderland realm was vastly colorful. Everything was completely vivid and in living color. One might've stated that it was indeed a haven of some sorts. However, for one Divine child, it was definitely NOT the case.

Another bug sized flying pig was whizzing past a little Divine boy as he swatted at it in frustration. Trying hard to ignore three dogs who were wading on their backs while singing "I'm so Pretty" was becoming quite difficult for the adorable seven year old boy until he spotted yet another anomaly and swore under his breath as he tried to make his way to shelter while he walked through a deep brown pathway between a clearing of purple and polka dotted trees.

"I am gonna KILL her! Chinny! I am so gonna kill you, you dumbass dyke!" screamed out the little boy in anger towards the air above him.

The little Divine boy known to his Divine siblings as Tanu Boy was in curly pigtails with pink ribbons and a cute green pleated plaid skirt. Too bad he wasn't having it because he was obviously a boy in a dress. He was huffing in anger while he stormed forward. Once again, a walking octopus complete with a top hat and a monocle curtsied in front of him before he screamed out in anger once again. He quickly made his way past the anomaly and continued down the path.

Just then, another curious sight materialized before Tanu Boy. It came in the form of a short, burly leprechaun with a green bowler hat. He curtsied in front of him comedically until he groaned in pain because Tanu Boy punched him in the stomach.

"Aw, hell naw, kid! What the fuck was that for, you cross-dressing freak," he groaned.

Tanu Boy suddenly stopped and realized the error of his ways before trying hard to stifle his laughter.

"Oops! You can talk to me? Jesus Christ. Can you at least explain some of this bullshit I'm surrounded by? I cannot even think straight because there are way too many questions in this place," he stated.

"First off, fuck you for socking me in the gut. And secondly, I'm here to help you, shit for brains," growled the leprechaun.

"Oh. Sorry about that. I thought you were another one of these...anomalies," grinned Tanu Boy.

The leprechaun soon gruffly motioned towards Tanu Boy to follow him down another clearing. They were suddenly in the middle of a swampy area complete with gumdrops instead of pebbles lined up and down the water's edge.

"The name's Cheshire. But you might forget that once I leave you to your charges," he growled.

"Charges? What's that? And does this mean we're friends since I know your name? And I bet I won't ever forget it because you're in my heart already," absently stated Tanu Boy as he picked up a gumdrop and threw it into his mouth. It was delicious. He soon bent over and began collecting more into his skirt.

Cheshire swore under his breath and turned around to explain in his ever gruff way.

"-sigh- Look, kid. I ain't here to be your friend, okay? I'm only here to transport you to your charges and then I'm Audi, got it?" Cheshire eyed him out.

Tanu Boy flashed an adorable grin at him before replying. "Tee! Hee! You're funny, little man--"

"My name is NOT little man, you brat!" he snapped.

"But you ARE a little man. Why is your hat green?" he asked curiously while he enjoyed the scenery.

"Oh my God. Why did the Father make me take this gig? I swear I always end up in these messes," he grumbled.

Tanu Boy gabbed on incessantly while they made their way through a gumdrop filled quarry. All the while Cheshire was wishing for death for himself as he continued to hear the child talking away in his sing-song manner.

"Oy vey. I'm taking you to your charges. You can ask them all these goddamn questions later alright? So, can you just zip it until we get there? Jesus," he muttered angrily.

"Oh. One thing, mister...Cheshire was it?" replied Tanu Boy quite cunningly.

"What do you want," grumbled Cheshire as he pushed down some marshes in their way with a machete.

Suddenly, a golden net came out of nowhere and restrained a very aggravated Cheshire. Just then two other children emerged from some of the marshes.

They were just as beautiful as Tanu Boy. They were a boy and a girl by the name of Dicey and Athena. Dicey's long hair flowed down his shoulders as did Athena's and they were laughing hardily at their catch. Tanu Boy giggled while Cheshire struggled against the netting. He ended up becoming entangled and finally stopped moving in frustration.

"What the fuck is this about, you demon spawn of SATAN?!" he screamed as his legs kicked against the net.

The three Divine children were cracking up by then.

"I guess we got him now, bro," winked Dicey.

"Yup! And he's gonna have to do what we say too," stated Tanu Boy.

The other girl Athena gave them a contemplative look. "I dunno about this, guys. Isn't this kidnapping? I mean...I know Chinny put us all here for a reason but it sure wasn't to torment the occupants of this realm," reasoned Athena.

"I know but he talked to us! And he even was gonna take us to our charges," replied Tanu Boy.

He was tightening the ropes and securing Cheshire to it with Dicey while Athena contemplated further.

"I ain't taking you goddamn brats nowhere now! You belong in the Ninth Circle of hell for this!" snapped Cheshire.

The three Divine children glanced at each other in wonder.

"Wait a minute. We aren't in Hell right now, mister?" inquired Dicey in confusion.

"Hell no, kid! You're in Wonderland, you dumb twat!" Cheshire yelled angrily. His arms were flailing up and down and looked so ridiculous, the three Divine children began to crack up once again.

"I'm serious, you damn tykes. If you let me go, I promise I'll only slice your necks once," growled Cheshire.

"Whoo...what a conundrum. Should we let him go so we can bleed out like stuck pigs?" joked Dicey.

Tanu Boy giggled. "Nope. We know a thing or two about leprechauns, buddy. Our mommy--"

"Your mommy is not gonna answer, kids. That's why you need some charges, you heathens!" argued Cheshire while he attempted yet again to escape to no avail.

"Heathens? We are NOT heathens," retorted Athena indignantly.

"Well you sure act like a few of them, kids. Now, let me go and I'll gladly take you all off my hands so I can get the stench of brat off of me," grumbled Cheshire.

The three Divine children stared thoughtfully at Cheshire for a few seconds before making their decision. Dicey quickly unraveled the netting from Cheshire. The irate leprechaun jumped up and readjusted his bowler hat before clearing his throat.

"Listen here you three. If you EVER do that again, I will KILL you!" he yelled. He cleared his throat in subtle embarrassment when he noticed his shirt was rolled up past his belly before he smoothed it back down.

"Okay. We'll be good," smiled Tanu Boy as he followed Cheshire out of the marshes.

"We'll be at our goodliest, mister," replied Athena.

"Yup...Our goodliest, guy. And if you ever threaten my siblings again, I WILL counter your claim...buddy. My, you're pretty when you're angry," smiled Dicey with contempt in his voice before lightly patting Cheshire's cheek. He then waited for Tanu Boy and Athena and ushered them through behind Cheshire once again.

Such were the ever loyal ways of the Divine children of the Cosmos.