My Little Mind Reader

50. My Strange Addiction

Author's Note: I've never wanted to do a trigger warning before, but I've changed my mind. Honestly, writing this was the weirdest experience. As you might be able to see, if you scan the page before reading, this is Park's story. I've never written anything from the point of view of the "bad guy." I really wanted to make Park feel like a person, not just a flat villain made to cause conflict. I want to remind all of my readers that rape is NEVER acceptable, there is no damage in your past, no amount of alcohol or drugs, and no mitigating circumstances that will make it okay. Rape is wrong. It isn't about love, it isn't about sex, it's about power and it is hurting someone else. If you ever hear the word NO, even if it isn't clear, even if your partner seems to be enjoying himself/herself, STOP and ask. If you're about to have sex with someone, stopping to ask if they like what you're doing shouldn't be that difficult. Listen to each other, so both of you can have a good experience. As a reminder, the actor who played Park in the series is not actually responsible for Park's behavior in this story. This is fictional. So no hate for the actor (who is a very handsome man, IMHO). Regardless, here's my trigger warning:

This chapter is MATURE. It may contain scenes of forced sex, violence, drug use, and other abusive situations. While I have tried to do this with respect for the delicate nature of the subject, it will contain potentially distressing content. Please read with caution.

Park's POV

I was lying next to Yo, my hands roaming over his body. This was exactly what I wanted. I'd been lying here with him for awhile. He seemed happy to continue cuddling, so I tried to hold back my other needs. This time I would get it right. Memories of my past and all the doubt that came with them assaulted me.

I tried to block it out, but I could see it like it was yesterday. School plays, concerts and activities that went unattended by parents who were just too busy to spend time with their only son. When I was 12, I'd joined the football team at school, because I knew it was my father's favorite sport. I'd been so excited to tell him, but he'd ignored me, as usual. Then my uncle had come to stay with us. He'd bought a ball and practiced with me in the backyard, come to every game, and paid attention to me.

After a few months, he was the only person who made me feel loved. When I broke my arm, he'd come into the bathroom with me, to make sure I was okay. He washed my body, helping me keep the cast out of the water. It was uncomfortable at first, but it wasn't long before I was used to sharing a bath with him. So when he came to my room and held my body, doing things that I didn't understand, I hadn't been upset. He loved me and I made his body feel good. He said I would like it, and eventually, I did. It was our little secret. But just before my 15th birthday, he and my father had a big argument. My uncle left and hadn't even come to visit since. I was alone again.

I searched for a new way to feel loved. Someone to make me feel special and take care of my body's growing needs. There was a girl in school, Julie. I did all the things my father told me to do: gave her gifts, brought flowers or chocolates, took her on dates, made her smile, was kind and thoughtful. Then I'd brought her to my special place to make love to her. It was just like I expected, until I tried to do what my body was telling me to do. I'd wanted to know how to use a woman's body, so I borrowed my dad's private videos. You tied her up, she would kick and scream, but after a few minutes those women would push up to meet the man's thrusts. Their bodies covered with sweat and filled with pleasure.