Dear diary. I mean journal! (A drarry fic)

I swear it doesn't hurt

Harry stood under the tree he and Draco had talked under the other night anticipation practically radiating off of him it was the meetup spot he and Draco had agreed on. He felt terribly nervous. He fiddled with his thumbs as he moved his feet from standing for an hour

"What's taking him so long?" Harry thought as he chewed the inside of his cheek as a way to keep his nerves down.

This was it. He had decided with Hermione and Ron that he was just going to flat out tell Draco he had feelings for him no more complicated plans and no more tricks. It was just going to be two boys who happen to be talking.

About feelings.

Possibly leaving as a couple.

Possibly living out their lives together

Nothing weird

Harry caught eye of the blond with Pansy Parkinson latched onto his arm. Harry's first clenched turning his knuckles white he frowned.

He watched Pansy whisper things to Draco and laugh along while she clenched his arm to her chest with what seemed to be a lot of strength because Draco winced painfully while he laughed

Then it dawned on Harry that Pansy Parkinson was indeed a lesbian. He blushed to himself at the fact he had overreacted the way he did and watched the two as they played around

"Harry you moron. You aren't even dating you can't get possessive like you ddI when you saw him with Astoria" Harry thought to himself but just the thought of Astoria made him want to be sent to Azkaban for murder. He had been haunted by the damn kiss every night since it happened to make him wake up in tears.

It hadn't been a great time.

Harry made an awkward face and tried to push down his butterflies when he saw Draco talking peacefully with Pansy. He watched as Pansy said something and Draco turned a bright red shoving her away. She laughed and hugged Draco goodbye and Draco waved back and turned on his heel and saw Harry. His face turned redder than Ron's hair and he swallowed thickly pulling out a cigarette and lighting the damn thing to keep his nerves down

"Hey, Harry!" Draco called and Harry sat up pretending that he hasn't seen Draco. Draco walked up to Harry and blew smoke out

"Have you been waiting long?" Draco asked nervously

"Only an hour," Harry thought feeling a bit embarrassed

"Not at all! I got here a minute ago" Harry smiled and Draco sighed in relief

"Oh that's good," he said and then they stood awkwardly. Draco tapped his cigarette letting the ash fall onto the dirt and taking another deep huff from it

"I wanted to talk to you about my interview later," Harry said a smile on his face.

"Hey, me too," Draco said.

They both stood quietly again and Harry's mind went berserk

"What the fuck do I say?" Harry thought

"I need a favor" Draco blew smoke out of his mouth and Harry looked up

"Huh?" He said stupidly and Draco smiled

"I got a letter from my mother saying that Astoria and I are still engaged," Draco said and Harry swallowed thickly. This is not how he has planed this encounter

"However there is a loophole to try to postpone the entire ordeal until I can convince my father to not be a dick," Draco said. It caught Harry off guard when Draco poke in such muggle language.

"Is that where I come in?" Harry laughed awkwardly. Draco nodded and took a deep inhábil of his cigarette and held it in his lungs only to stall the entire thing. He blew it out and bit his lip

"If I'm romantically involved with someone it delay's. My marriage to Astoria is a binding of a pure-blood person to keep my lineage going. So I thought because you've already pretending to like me to get the ministry off my back I thought maybe instead of telling them later that I don't like you we could pretend to date" Draco said the cigarette not doing enough for his lungs. Harry felt his entire world crashing around him, however.

"You want me to pretend?" Harry said a bit angrily Draco was taken aback by the tone of voice

"I-I'm sorry you have a girlfriend, don't you? That Weasley?" Draco said through gritted teeth. Harry's eyes went wide and he shook his head

"Uh, no ginny has a girlfriend. I'm sorry it's just very sudden. Are you sure it would work?" Harry swallowed he glanced away to look at Hermione who had been spying on their conversations.

"He isn't dating the Weaslet? I mean I guess it's easier for us to pretend. Yes, pretend. It's all fake." Dracos mind whirled but his shoulders relaxed and he took Harry by the hand and bit his lip

"I'm positive it can work. I just need to stall until I get my father to break the engagement. It's gonna be hard on the account that we are both criminals so I need to boost my gold points but yes I think it'll work." Harry blushed as Dracos hands held his and he bit his lip

"Yeah. Sure. I can help Draco." Harry smiled it was painful, to say the least. Draco flicked the cigarette on the ground and hugged Harry

"Thank you." Harry blushed and hugged Draco back

"That's what friends are for" Harry muttered both boys tensed at the words and Draco swallowed.

If friends are all he wants to be. I'm okay with it.

It's better this way.

I'd rather be his friend than an enemy or even worse a damn clown that confessed and got rejected.

I'm okay with friendship.

Friendship is something that's hard to come by.

I'm okay with this.

I'm absolutely okay with this.

Can I trick my body into thinking I'm okay with this? I hope so. My tears are starting to smudge the ink.