New but maybe not so New

Chapter 36 |✔

"Talk, my little gorgeous angel face with a fable for nerdy pretty boys."

"Hey Garcy, ehm I have a question for you. No, it's not exactly a question but ehm, I-. Could you maybe look up all the Lila's in LA who had a supporting role in a television series about beach volleyball?"

Penelope snorted. "What? Why would you want that?"

"It's a- ehm a pr-private manner."

"Oh no, McHottie. Nothing is private if you come to the technical goddess of Quantico, no the whole world."

"Yeah, that's because you can't keep a secret."

I heard the shocked inhale from the other side of the line and I smiled to myself, already knowing how she would scrunch up her face and try to tell me that I wasn't right but giving up because she knew I was right.
"Wh-Why? No, of course not! I can keep secrets, I can keep millions of secrets. I am keeping millions of secrets. Right now. In this second. Millions."

There was a short pause, before she ran her hands over her computer keyboard.
"You have any more information I could use for my search?"

I got up from the hotel bed and went to the little fridge, grabbing a water bottle.
"She's got blonde hair, she's about my age and my height and has a great smile."

"Seems like a nice person. Why would you want a background check on her?"

I took a sip and went to sit back on my bed, running a hand through my hair.
"I don't want a background check, Penelope. I just want to know her last name."

"Mh, well okay but if Hotch finds out that I'm digging into a random person's file without his permission than he's gonna-."

"Blame it on me, it's alright. I mean, it would be my fault. But just don't let him find out."

She laughed.
"Oh, believe me peanut. He wouldn't do anything to you because he likes you."

"He likes you too! You're his team and he loves the team. He would-."

"Lila Archer, could that be her?"

I've heard my phone vibrate in my hand and I looked at the picture Garcia had just sent me and I nodded, pressing it back to my ear.
"Yeah, that's her. Thank you, Garcy. I owe you."

She snorted.
"Of course you owe me. You owe me an answer to why you are keeping your pretty little head buzzy with worrying about Lila Archer when there is a certain young genius doctor next door with whom you could do so many other things than with that picture."

I blushed, closing my eyes while the feeling of his hands upon my skin lingered in the inside of my mind, needing to feel his warmth radiating on me again.

"Thanks again, Garcy. Bye."
I hung up the phone, tossing it on the other side of the bed before laying onto it, screaming inside the blanket so that nobody would hear me.
I felt like a dumb young girl again who just talked to her cursh for the first time.

Why I wanted to know who Lila was? No idea.
I guessed I just wanted to look at her, compare myself to her and to come to the conclusion that I couldn't change anything about myself, before falling into a little depression with a lot of chocolate and a lot of Disney movies.
Yup, pretty mature I know.

I exhaled deeply, taking a hold of my head and massaging it slightly, to decrease the upcoming headache from all the overthinking I was doing lately, before getting up and opening the window, looking up at the night sky.

I hadn't slept well since the accident with Ashton and even if I didn't tell anyone, I was pretty certain that at least one person would know. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want anyone to think I was weak, or I couldn't do this job.

Ever since I started helping the BAU, I realised I didn't want to do anything else.
When Tammy and I moved together, her spending almost every night with Morgan because I had so much work to do, I always tried to calm myself down every time I heard a noise from outside or a neighbour let something drop.

I had been very jumpy in the first few weeks, but the more Spencer visited me, the more we ate together, worked together, laughed together, it got better.

Every time we would hug or he would hold my hand when something was off I felt safe.
He made me feel safe.
And all I wanted was to feel this safety without the guilt that grew up inside of me after having those thoughts.

I needed to decide but I hated it.
I've always hated decisions. It has always been the worst part of the job for me; Decide for one thing.

Of course it wasn't hard when you had to decide if a murderer had to spend another couple of years in prison but when it comes to your own life, it's the hardest thing to do.
Decide.
Because you couldn't be certain if the decision you had made was right or wrong.
And you could never be.
Once a decision was made, nothing could undo it. You couldn't just travel back in time as in back to the future.

The real life wasn't that easy.
My mom had always told me that I had to do my decisions with my heart but the one thing she never told me was that the heart could get manipulated easily and that it's not alone.

The heart wants what it wants, but the head wants what it wants too.
You couldn't just ignore one of it and ignore the bad feeling that would come afterward.
If you decide with your head, there is a chance you may never be truly happy but if you let your heart decide, you could loose a lot of things, and in my case my dream job.

And not only mine, but Spencer's too.
I just couldn't risk him ending his career because of me when he had so much potential.
He was such a talented profiler and he shouldn't lose that because of a girl. And especially not because of me.
I wouldn't let him risk his future just because of our present.

~●~

Do you make decision with the heart like genna when she kissed Spencer or with the head like genna right now?

Love you and please don't forget to like, comment and sahe this story to your fellow criminal minds lovers!❤❤