New but maybe not so New

Chapter 41 |✔

"Like for real! In almost the year I've been on this team, I've never seen him blink."

Garcia and JJ laughed, Gracia nodding her head furiously in the front seat next to me while JJ almost died from laughter, holding up her finger and wanting to say something, but another fit of laughter interrupted her.
I was the only one sober, if you couldn't have already noticed by now.

"Yeah, right? He never blinks, I swear! Sometimes, he actually really creeps me out but the monthly faint of a smile reminds me that he actually has feelings and is actually a human being."

I snorted, nodding my head while looking into the mirror to glance at JJ, her holding her stomach as she couldn't stop the laughing.
"I-I just can't- I can't- That's so-so true, Penelope."

Both women in my car looked at each other, before bursting out laughing again, which made me laugh aswel before I pulled up at JJ's apartment, Garcia and her having a sleepover.

"You sure you don't-."
Garcia hiccupped. "You don't wanna come in, angel face?"

I laughed, nodding and getting out of the car before helping both women out of the car and to the door.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I still have some reports to write and I have to feed my pets."

Garcia's face lit up at the mentioning of Simba and Nala.
"Oh my, please tell them a good night from me. Did they like my gifts?"

"Yeah, the jumpsuits were great, thanks!"

She awed, laying her head down onto my shoulder while running a hand through my hair in a cute manner.
I smiled. "You know, you're the best thing that happened to the team, apart from me of course, but I can tell that everyone is happy that you'll stick around."

"Thanks, Garcy. Have a great night and don't throw up outside but inside the toilet okay?"
I shouted while starting to back off, JJ already entering the hall.

"Yes ma'am." Garcia saluted me, smiling before following after JJ inside, me still hearing the fits of laughter even after they closed the door.

I smiled to myself, happy that I had friends like them and Tamara.
The four of us had all been to a club, me being the driver as usual, but she got so busted that I had to drive her to Derek's place so she wouldn't be alone, before driving back and bringing the two blonde's home safely.

When I got into my appartement, which I had rented four months ago, the team -mostly Spencer- helping me settling in, all I wanted to do was rest and sleep but I knew I still had a lot of things to do.

So, after feeding my husky and cat, I wrote some reports, rereading the files three times and then sending it to the judges or prison directors.    
     Ever since Ashton Chapman, I hadn't let any sort of information from the patient's life slip my eye, Garcia helping me out multiple times.

Three reports after, I groaned, feeling my head ache from the lack of sleep, before shutting down my computer and getting ready for bed.

Inside the bedsheets, I tossed and turned, thinking about every little detail of my life, making it impossible for me to sleep.

Every time I closed my eyes, there were either images of Ashton and my sister, him shooting me or images of Spencer, the both of us laughing and playing chess or eating Chinese food after a rough case.

To say I regretted the decision to push my feelings, and Spencer, away, was an understatement.
    I couldn't even describe how I felt, every time I saw him, he smiled or even just looked my way. I had thought that it was only a crush and I I deeply wanted to believe that, but I knew that that wasn't the case.

The fact that all I wanted for him to be save and even let myself get in danger for his safety was driving me crazy and I couldn't do anything about it.

Almost the only thing positive in my life right now was that my sister was doing great. She didn't have a seizure in months, and I was so proud of her.

Every month, I asked Hotch for one or two free days and got a ticket to fly to her and visit her along with Diana.

At first, Spencer didn't want to come along, but after I persuaded him for almost 4 months, he decided to finally join me, and I've never seen him and his mother so happy.

I knew that I couldn't get sleep, so I did what I always did when I had trouble sleeping - so every night; I got up, grabbed a cardigan and some shoes and climbed up the stairs to the roof.

It wasn't really safe up there but every time I felt like my mind was too heavy, I went up and just stared at the night sky, not really seeing any stars, but I couldn't care less.
It wasn't about seeing the stars; It was about the calmness that the night gave me.

And of course, it was even better when I could see the moon or the stars, but those were just extra points, like a fancy TV in your room or a new phone.
These weren't things you really needed but they were extra, they made you feel even better.

I felt like the rooftop was my place, a place almost nobody knew of, where I could forget about everything and just be myself, let go of the events for just one moment, appreciate the world and that I have a life, before going down and trying to get some sleep when I feel better.

This time, that feeling didn't come.
I didn't feel like I could forget.

Ever since Lila Archer's case four days ago, I couldn't keep my mind off Spencer.
The feeling of him, his scent, it lingered in my memory like a permanent marker on paper and no matter what or how hard I tried, it wouldn't erase itself.
It would just get stronger, even more visible.
More tangible. 

~●~

I. AM. SO. EXCITED.