𝐅𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 {𝐚𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐧 𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐧𝐞𝐫} ✔️

chapter 11- harsh reality..

2 weeks later

It was now two weeks later since you realized the truth. Why you craved his touch, not sexual way but in way where you just wanted to just be held by him. You had fell in love with your professor. You knew it was wrong, he could get fired, you could get expelled. There were so many reasons of why it wouldn't work out. But like the saying goes, the heart wants what it wants.

So for the past two weeks verging onto threem, you did what you knew how to do best. Ignoring him until the problem went away, 'I mean, it was going to eventually go away right?' At least that what you had hoped for, the thought staying on your mind, hoping one day the problem would just vanish. The only thing you was sure of was that each time you dreaded going to his lectures.

Every time you saw him, you'd wanted to slap him wishing he'd knows how it felt to be in your place. He tried calling and texting you and once Emily had seen him outside your dorm just looking up at your window. She reassured you, saying he was probably debating if he should go to talk to you or not. A few days after, his stopped texts after you told him you needed space. It didn't help that he would just give you these longing glances every time he saw you. It broke your heart piece by piece, the fact that he was doing okay every time you saw him, seeing him so put together and okay, always in his regular suits, that he would wear.

For you, it was so different, you were so depressed, torn up and heartbroken a mixture of all three. You stayed in leggings and sweaters all the time, not caring about your appearance. It took all the energy you had to even take 30 minute showers on the daily. Your eye bags were constantly stained onto your face, looking like you had bawled your eyes out for days straight. In your defense, you did. You didn't even bother putting on makeup.

Emily had tried multiple times to get you to come out with the group. Hell, all of your friends tried each failing terribly. Your response was always the same, sinking into your bed even more hoping to become one with it. You tried distracting yourself with work from classes, maintaining a good grade for all of them. It seemed to be the only benefit from what was happening in your life.

You had just finished some assignment for your last class of the day when Emily and Penelope comes into the room giving you sad smiles.

Only one thing you hated worse than getting your heartbroken and it was the pity your friends gave you. You could see every it time they would look at you. You knew they loved you and just didn't want to see you like this but you still hated it.

Emily, Penelope and Spencer were the only people who knew about Hotch, not wanting your embarrassment to grow as well as the amount of people who knew. They came up with some cover story that you recently found out your father had passed away due to some cancer.

If only they knew he had pass away, in your senior year of high school and it was because he was drunk and had swerved his car into some lake killing himself and almost another person. You were mostly glad the other person was fine.

That was the second time you had saw so much pity from people, all giving their 'condolences' to you thinking it would magically wipe away the amount of sadness you were supposed to have. In reality, you couldn't have been more okay with his death. You weren't happy he was dead, but you weren't particularly ripped up about it either. He was always abusive towards you when he was drunk, being most time or whenever he was home.

The drinking had started when your mom had pass away two years earlier from breast cancer, once she died everything had gotten so hard. You dealt with the pain on your own, it caused you to go into a downward spiral lashing out over any little thing, as your dad was no help. He started drinking and jumping job from job, not being able to show up early or sober enough to go. You decided to take care of yourself getting part time jobs, jumping from different ones, getting fired because of how angry you would have gotten when people interacted with you in a bad manner.