DEENA (Complete)

TWENTY FOUR: Broken

"Are you..leaving me too? Won't you..stand by me?"

I wordlessly went to the bed and hugged him to sleep.

What could have happened
Ya Rabb..ease our pain please

"I'm a coward. I'm worse than a fool.. I.." He began to sob again

"Hey stop it. Just pray for them okay? They're in a better place, Insha Allah."

"You don't understand, do you?. He sat up and wiped his face roughly

"Call me a coward. A fool. I'm worse than that..I just..I."

"Please calm down. It was Allah's decree. Don't stress it."

He cocked his head sideways and gave a painful smirk

"I wanna rest. I'm tired. I want to take a break. Is that too much to ask?" He clicked his tongue and cleared his throat

Ya Rabb
I hope it's not what I think

"Yes, you need to rest. Just..Lie down." I gestured towards one of the several pillows on the bed.

He squinted at me then looked away

"I was very little. I was around seven or eight when he first did it. I was innocent and naive but I knew it was wrong yet I kept quiet about it. He kept on touching me..and..." He sighed and rested his head on the pillow, then sat up again.

He
Touch
Ya Rabb..

"Khalil you're tired. Just..let's sleep." I patted the pillow and he eyed me.

He laid down and rested his head on my right lap, his face inwards

"I knew it was wrong. So many times, I had wanted to tell Mommy because so many times she'd sensed that something was wrong. I couldn't, I couldn't. Because I was a coward. He just threatened to kill me and I gave in.. I ..let him do it anytime he wanted. Anytime he came around. It got to a point where.. I got used to it that I began to touch myself whenever he was not around. Could you believe that?" He gave a short humourless laugh and sniffed

"And what..even at the age of 11, I couldn't stop. I couldn't stop being an addict... I..." He sighed heavily and went mute for a while and all I could do was rub his back.

"It affected my studies too and my social life. I didn't keep friends. I distanced myself from others including my parents, except that Mommy didn't allow me. She made sure I remained her boy. I..wanted to stop but I couldn't. I kept on being a coward till I turned twelve. At that time, I could at least understand what hellfire meant. I had enough sense to know I wouldn't want to face my Creator, being a homosexual. So, I decided..that I wanted to stop. That I would stop." He adjusted his position

"Do you know..the next time he visited, he came to my room when everyone went their normal activities..he made advances but I.. I told him no. I said it to his face that I wouldn't allow him anymore..that I wouldn't be like him. And do you know what he did? ..he just walked out, wordlessly. You know, that day.. I felt like a heavy burden had been lifted up my shoulder but that was about to change. The next time he came, he was with his luggage..he was gonna live with us, for a long as he was a student, because his school was close to Dad's workplace and so, Dad would drop him at school everyday, on his way to office." He sniffed