I went from being a chatter box
and such a conversational person
To someone who does not wish to speak,
Anymore
From socializing and being
surrounded by a plethora of people,
To becoming a loner
Numb,
And distant.
Distant,To an extent that,
I stopped receiving calls
Followed by receiving texts,
But I knew for a fact that it could not
get any worse when I stopped seeing
my own family.
From either not sleeping at all and
lying on my bed like a livin corpse,
or sleepin for 16 hours straight.
There was no in between.
From being a complete foodie,
To losing my appetite.
From always being such a bright kid at school ,
To dropping out.
I knew about depression all along,
But I couldn't believe it or should I say
I did not want to believe,
I did not believe that I was depressed,
I did not want to believe
That it was happening
and it was happening to me,
this time.
Each time I gave the slightest of thought to it,
I reduced to tears.
As days and months passed
I started to turn bitter, really bitter
Because I had questions,
I needed the answers to!!
Why me?
And What did I do to deserve this?
I was in pain.Excruciating pain.
It was as if I'm being forced to be a
part of, something I do not want to be
a part of.
I was being held hostage.
It was suffocating,
I could see my world collapsing right
in front of my eyes,
And I wasn't capableable to protect
my own world from getting destroyed.
And that's the most helpless I've ever
felt in my entire journey.
I was devastated
In my silence, I was asking for help
Rather Screaming for help.
And it's not like I did not value my life(×2)
But there were points I wished to end
it.
Just because of the mere thought
That dying for once and for all would
be better, than dying every single day.
From being an atheist to spending
hours at holy places, all by myself
Hoping to heal.
And finding solace.
A girl who was as delicate as a flower,
And who would who would throw
tantrums and lift up the entire house
on her head even if her brother hit her playfully,
Was now not into self inflicted
violence
Just because I didn't want to be numb
anymore.
I wanted to feel.
Depression is not a choice,
Neither is it a trend.
It is always bout not being able to
raise your voice
And wanting the struggle to end.
I needed everything to stop.
But just when I needed everything to
stop, an eternal rest.
I made a choice, a choice that has
shaped me into the person I am today.
It took me a year and half but it was worth it.
I made a choice.
And I chose to spill poetry instead of spilling blood.
I somehow managed to channelize my hurt into art,
Art is what saved me, poetry is what saved me.
And that is when my life changed.
I went from being a sloth,
To working out and following a
routine.
From being ashamed of myself to
being proud of myself.
From being hopeless to hoping for a
better tomorrow
From darkness being my lover
To breakin up,
And falling in love, with sunsets and
sunrises.
From not being okay, to being more
than okay
The journey wasn't easy but I do not
regret a thing.
A rebirth took place. I found me a way
happier, smarter and a stronger
version of myself.
Also for those who enjoyed hurting me
and breaking me time and again, TRY
ME NOW!
