Discernment

Chapter 28

Yesterday really tired me, and most likely many others throughout the community. When I woke up, I didn't even move out of my bed. I just sat there, motionless. "Thomas.. You okay? Haven't seen you since yesterday.. I mean, I saw you walk in, but you didn't even talk to me.. What's going on?" Jess says to me as she leaned against the doorframe. "I-It was just a tough day yesterday.. That's all.." I sigh. "What happened?" Jess questions. "Well.. We put Craig down.. And Dani, Ryan's little girl, also had died.." I mutter. Jess stood there motionless, and I get out of bed. "Anyways, we're going to start a medical school type thing in Devan's District. I want you to go there and start practicing for that, or any study really." I tell her, changing the topic. "Okay, that sounds good to me.." Jess replies. "What are your plans for today?" She asks.

"Yet again, another busy one. I've gotta talk to Fay, Ryan, and Washington. See how all three of 'em are holding in. Any tips of who I should see first?" I ask for advice from her. "Well, I feel talking to Ryan first would work best." She tells me. "Okay, thanks Jess." I say, as I got ready and crossed the next day off the calender. "I'll be back in a little while, go to District C with Devan and train, train for anything." I tell her when we were both downstairs and I was closing the front door behind me.

Off to District E, I suppose. I don't know how Ryan's going to react to this, since this is his only loss as he's been with us, for all I know, he could end up how Fay is right now. I wanted to make this talk wait as long as possible, so I walked to District E, seeing no one on the streets. Sometimes I forget that this is for the ones who've gone bad to live. Which makes me think that I should.. Probably send Fay to live here - But that's only if she doesn't change out of her depressive state.

I head to the interrogation chamber, or courtroom, or whatever you should call it, and I don't see Ryan there, though I do see some of people, probably taking over for Hap. "Thomas! Good to see you. Ryan didn't come in today, you know what's wrong with him?" A girl asks me. "Don't worry about him, I was on my way to talk to him at the moment.. But don't count on him coming in anytime soon for the next few days." I tell her. "Okay, now, what about William? Should we try and get more information out of him?" She questions me. "No, definitely not. Keep him in that cell, give him one meal a day, and keep it simple, don't let him loose so that he can find and make a weapon." I tell her, then leave the building.

Off to Ryan's home, which is nowhere near the homes in this district. It was actually behind the courtroom, so none of the "inmates" know where to find him. Door's unlocked, not safe for his sake. I'll scold him about that later, when he's back on his feet and I know that he's mentally stable. I look around, only to find him in his den at his desk, sitting there silently. "What the hell do you want?" I snarls at me.

I was surprised when he first said that, but I should have been prepared though. "I wanted to talk, mind if I do that?" I ask him and pull over a chair that was sitting in the corner. "I guess I can, since you just let yourself in.." He mutters. "You.. Left your door slightly open and unlocked.. Anyone could have let themselves in, really." I reply. "What-the-hell-ever Thomas, just get this conversation over with and leave." He tells me hastily. I shake my head softly. "I came here to see how you were doing because of Dani's passing.. It's obvious how you're handling it though, but what I really need you to do is to not become reckless, like Fay did. Anger usually leads to that, and how you are right now, I'm only going to guess how it is going to change. Now I can't have that happening in this community." I tell him. "Okay, whatever.. It won't lead to that though.. I can tell you that." Ryan says.

"Okay, good.. Anything you want.. To talk about?" I ask him. He sits there for a few moments and shakes his head, tears starting to form. "Why didn't.. Why didn't I protect her.. It was her mother's last dying wish that I take care of her.. I failed Thomas. Not worthy of living." He explains to me. I'm surprized at his sudden change of emotion, maybe he's bipolar? "Listen.. We were busy with our jobs, we couldn't do anything about it.. Sh-She's in a better place now." I tell him. "Okay Thomas.. Thanks.. I.. I just gotta be alone for now.." He tells me. "Okay, stay well. Just remember it's not your fault.." I say as I walked away.

Now it's time to talk to Fay, hopefully she's been changed since yesterday.

I'm back at District A again, knocking on Fay's door. Indigo answers it. "What are you doing here?" I question him. "I was just visiting Fay.. You needed to talk to her?" He replies. "Yeah, actually. Mind if I get some privacy with her?" I ask him calmly. "Sure, not a problem.. Let me grab my pack." He says to me and grabs his mask and back pack and walks passed me.

Fay's sitting on the couch, legs crossed. She's waiting for me to sit down, not talking. When I sat down she looked ahead at the wall. "H-How are you feeling?" I ask her. "Terrible.. I mean, I'm not fucking insane anymore.. But I killed a little girl yesterday.. How would you expect me to feel?" She says boldly. "Well, it's good that you're back to normal.. What do you think made you end up that way?" I ask her. "Lead poisoning." She replies sternly. "How would you have lead poisoning?" I question. She reaches onto the coffee table in front of us and grabs a knife that has a blood stain on it. "This knife is the knife that Joel stabbed me with, has a lead coating on it. Lead poisoning makes people go crazy, slowly. Which makes me think that I'm more prone to that then most people.." She explains.

"He's.. Not dumb.. He doesn't mean to kill any of us, just torture us.." I say. "It makes me think Thomas.. I tried leaving.. But I end up with you again. I never wanted to even be here. I tried escaping, while you were at the party. I tried leaving again. They. Fucking. Got. Me. Again. Brought me back, then nearly killed me. But they didn't kill me. They made me fucking insane.. I.. I have to leave, Thomas. I hate being here. I don't like being the doctor. It's too fucking stressful.." She tells me. I'm left speechless. "I had no idea.. Maybe.. Maybe there's a way you can just not be the doctor anymore? I mean we have Anna, and everyone loves having you around." I tell her. "I'll have to think about it. I mean, with a psychopath like Joel running around, and out to sabotage the group.. Being the doctor is too dangerous." She tells me. "Don't worry. I'll arrange for something to be done.." I tell her. "Alright, thanks for that.. And, by the way, what's up with Indigo?" She asks.

"Oh, he likes you. Simple as that." I reply with a small laugh. "Well, now that I think of it, that's actually pretty obvious.. Anyways, thanks.." She tells me, and gives me a hug. She's probably relieved that I'm going to even consider this. But, to make everyone happy, I suppose I'll have to do that. But, for now, I have to move along to Washington's place, then I'll be done for the day.

I arrive at District D and at Washington's house. He let me in and we sit in his office. "What brings you here, Thomas?" He asks with a strangly delightful tone. "Wanted to ask how you were feeling.. With Craig's death and all.." I ask him. "Hey, this apocalypse changed his greatly. He's back to normal in a better place, am I right? We put him out of his misery and out of other people's danger.. I'm not okay with it, but I'm dealing with it, because that's the type of world we live in now." He tells me. "Well, can't argue with that there.. Just glad you're handling it okay.." I say softly. "So, I've been thinking.. And I say we send out search party tomorrow to look for land to expand our community to. Just like you've asked for." I tell him. "That's great, Thomas.. We'll send out a search party tomorrow?" He asks. "Yep, nothing else really going on, so I'll send one out then. I wanna thank you, though, for even suggesting it to me. It's a good idea, to be honest." I reply. "Alright then, Thomas. Thanks. Nice talkin' to ya'. See you tomorrow? When we send out the search party?" He asks. "Yeah. See you tomorrow." I tell him.

After the talk with Washington, I head back home. Jess is asleep as usual, and I get undressed and go to sleep myself. In the morning, I get up, do the usual routine, and head over to the main hall. "Thomas! Nice to see you. Devan tells me he wants to go on the search party, mind if he leaves his post as District C leader for a day or two?" Washington tells me as I walked in the building. "Sure, go ahead Devan. Take Quinton and Abira, too, they're always great at these things. And a few other people. Other than that, stay safe out there man." I tell him, then shake his hand as he readies his pack and weapons. Devan and a group of other people then head to the back of the building to look at a map, and decide on a place to go, then concludes with leaving through the back exit into a vehicle, and drive off to their first destination.