hopeful

19

John left the room and said. " McCharmley you look after my baby sister i am going for a bit I don't known or how long " he left the house and paul carries me up to my bed .

it was roasting in my room so i took of the dressing gown leaving me in my pjs and lay down on my bed . i giggled and asked " did you see anything earlier " he shook his head and removed his shoes . i opened the window and saw that he was taking of his button down shirt and revealing a white vest . he lay down next to me and held on to me pulling my face on to his chest as he whispered " it's okay love i am here for you so get some rest ." he kissed my head before i slipped in to sleep . Well as best I could since I had a migraine from all the crying

this happened for two more nights and each night i woke up with nightmares about losing mum , john and paul . Each time he was always up to comfort me and stop my crying .

that was until the third day i was awoken to john yelling

" WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE" the amount of déjà vu was untimely
i shot up and saw john looming at my door who looked hungover and had bloodshot eyes " well john ever since you left for god knows where and you stated 'Mccharmley you look after my baby sister' and that's what he did he helped me when i had nightmares of losing you mainly ,mum. and him and he bloody stopped my tears "
"OH REALLY THEN WHY ON EARTH IS HE LIKE THAT"
" it was hot last night and it was for comfort john you know I wouldn't do that unless she wanted to ." paul said
"HOW SHOULD I BELIEVE THAT YOU WEREN'T FUCKING IN THE WEE HOURS OF THE NIGHT THEN AND ITS STUPID THAT YOUR NOT A VIRIGIN I WAS SUPPOSED TO SET AN EXAMPLE ."
"We haven't john all he has done is hold my hand when i was sleeping plus you know i am not a virgin and you didn't even set an example in the first place."
paul was laughing at the fact we were arguing over how paul was dressed
" paul quit your laughing it's not funny " i pushed him gently and he fell on to the floor and replaced his shirt .

The funeral was painful to sit at the whole time me and john hugged and cried .

the after party was sad but i knew that i shouldn't really be quite about my feeling . i just grabbed a water and sipped as the party was quiet.

Paul kept checking i was ok . i always nodded but he knew i wasn't . he always hugged me and walked off to talk to john .
i heard paul playing on mums banjo . I smiled as he was

Next thing i know john walked in and screamed
" what is this fucking group practice " he rips the banjo out of Paul's hands and tried throwing it but pete says " john that's your mums " i see rage in johns eyes " well she's dead " he spits before storming out after punching pete . i gave pete a cloth and followed quickly after paul who left shouting for john to come back .

I walk out side to see paul shout " you gonna hit me to huh we'll go on then " and john punched paul splitting his lip . i couldn't take it anymore i sank to the floor in a ball and cried . i missed her so much . i heard john apologise to paul and then he said " she not coming back. ." paul said a few i knows as both me and john were now balling our eyes out .

Then it went quiet. i glanced upward and saw both john and paul . john saw how much he scared me and paul pulled me into a hug . i sobbed and said " i don't know how you dealt with it paul it hurts so bad so so bad ." he whispered an i know as i glance down at his cut lip " john why did you hit him hes your mate why did you hit them both of them " he shrugged and said "i was angry i didn't want to believe she's gone I Barely knew her and she's now gone sis I know it's harder for you but i loved her more than anything since i met her she's all we had , I didn't even know where dad is we could be orphans for all I know ."

we all walked in . i entered the room first and walked over to pete as the two boys walked in .

after a few moments silence john said " can everyone stop fucking crying were supposed to be a rock and roll group ." the room erupted in in laughter .