hopeful

Forgiveness

I didn't know how to react to what pete did so I just stayed away from him even though it was particularly hard to do

Four days had passed since what pete did and i didn't and wouldn't talk to him since he really annoyed me , I was that pissed off with him I spoke what I wanted to say to John or Paul who then said that to him , it was like a game of Chinese whispers and made my blood boil . But i knew i should forgive him for being the normal nosy teenage boy that he is .

whenever pete came to talk to me i simply walked off to my room or elsewhere if i was at school . I was infuriated by the actions he did .

i finished playing the finished song in front of the band and john smiled and said "where would i be withought your brain and voice let alone the pure talent , if i didn't have a band i would have a duet with you sis . " i smirk and said " well you wouldn't have McCharmley or a song " i winked to paul and then pete asked out of the blue  causing silence to spread across the room crowed with the band members " can i be forgiven for taking ,reading and then repeating the things  from your book , I'm really really sorry Beatrice I know I shouldn't have done that ." i stare at him and then gave a weak smile and nod .

Paul sat next to me against the back wall next to the fire place and had my note book opened on to  the page of what pete had read .
i soon realised he was reading it further turing the  pages continued on down the paper . i glance over and see he is only just in the last line pete read . a smirk on his face as he read the next entry

dear diary of sorts  it's has been a long few days since last updated in here so it thought I should. Before my head might explode

i still haven't told john that i have fallen for his friend and band mate paul but ever since i started thinking about him and the kiss he pressed on to my cheek the first time i met i can't stop thinking of the kind ,compassionate and incredibly loving and talented boy who i know will go places even without my brother .god I love them both. this paul is running through my brain constantly he is never going to stop being in my mind and when the girls after gigs come up to him I get all jealous of him but it's not like he actually is mine  and the fact he is only my friend . It hurts when he says that , my heart aches for him, his love,  his everything even to just hold his soft warm and guitar calloused hands in mine

His voice still angelic and he sang a live song by the sound of it at the bands gig on Thursday two days ago  , he kept his gorgeous eyes on me for awhile and this was accompanied with a cute blush up on his cheeks , even as he plays under the hot stage lights with a smile on his face all sweaty he is still the boy I fell for the mysterious boy who stared and smiled and kiss my cheek , the same boy who stood up to John , his voice let me forget my present , him strumming softly and smiling was enough to bring tears to my face , both from happiness and from the realisation that I'm just a broken child forced to live in the shadows of my brother who is more talented and higher praised,but Paul makes my day he makes me forget who I am as soon as he smiled , I felt him staring a lot and I caught his eyes blushing a bit before glancing to John and Pete smiling , having fun like the teenagers they are , Paul makes me hopeful

even as i draw his face and i begin to fall further in love but its forbidden of sorts , i hate this Romeo and Juliet cliche and i don't want to annoy john with my falling for his friend but whenever i am with paul i have the urge to call him mccharmley like Jonny says to tease him knowing I would blush at it and I do whenever John says it to me or asked me to get Paul a drink or calling him the keeper of my heart as he has indeed caught my heart and I haven't had anyone do this to me in ages and I can't control it . But all I am is johns annoying sister who hangs around with the band all the time so much so I must be annoying them all even though I pretend not to notice I see john scolding people about why the hell i am with the band if I ain't in it , I know most don't even want me there , it's all on their faces , their smug and unpleasant faces , except Paul , his face his handsome but I don't know if he even wants me there , I hope he does