hopeful

meeting him

After i left the stage all of johns friends were jaw dropped and shocked . they all after a few seconds of being human statues  they finally decided  that they would be hugging me tightly and congratulated me since they all saw how nervous i was . before i went on i was an utter mess

i wished john a good luck he simply said " thanks sis you did good " i went over and tightly hugged him before i decided instead of having some beer i would have a tea . I have only had beer once before and I didn't like the foul smell let alone the weird bitter taste, or the horrific aftertaste that the alcoholic drink left in its wake after swallowing a sip

luckily there was peppermint tea, i got a mug and then freshly boiled the kettle which was in the back of the sort of hall which had a proper stage unlike the pathetic excuse for one that I preformed on all of ten minutes ago .

i sat on the stage in the calming silence and heard john with his band the quarrymen singing the first  song that john had learnt which was on mums banjo . Maggie may which is basically about a whore . It disheartened me to think that I was called a whore and a prostitute or a slut what ever people were saying about me behind my back , I don't understand the people who had the audacity to say that shit about me knowing that Johnny is my brother and he has a record for beating people up for them saying stuff about him behind his back but I knew the rumours weren't true yet they still made me feel disgusting , worthless and empty inside , I tried hard to forget about them but they were in my head more as I tried to forget getting worse and worse until I ended up crying to myself or to sleep , luckily I could hide the red puffy ness from crying with the very little amount of make up that i own mum had gotten me some when i turned 15 considering i had a few spots showing up due to the hormone imbalance,now i have perfectly clear skin. , I just don't know what to do .  I'm afraid to tell Johnny the rumours because I don't know what to expect out of him

when they came of stage i hugged john and went back to sipping my tea in the corner whilst the boys either chatted in small groups or they were drinking and smoking .

no matter how many times that mimi had smoked in the same room as me i still hated the smell and grimaced .

i sat closer to john since most the boys were in the back smoking . he knew i didn't like the smell much but he still smoked the damn things . Yet I was slowly getting   used to the malodorous stench .

ten minutes passed before ivan came in with a boy who looked about a year younger than john and this boy  was dressed in a white blazer and black fitted pants along with a checker-ed shirt. It went well and by god does this boy have a sense of fashion

the boy looked somewhat familiar to me . That's when i noticed the fact that he was the boy who was in music , the very same boy who was staring at me whilst i played and he was wearing a pink carnation on the l'appelle of his blazer . it suited him well . very well,even to well. it suited his pale skin and gave it a little bit of a glow whilst bringing out his eyes a little more.

i think it complements his look nicely. He looked really cute in it . Stop thinking that he is a stranger yeah a cute one at that , bea snap out of it , you don't know him and you don't love him. There is no such thing as love at first sight. He stared at you. Yeah probably checking you out, I scold myself knowing he won't like me and was just interested in the guitar I was playing. Bea that's inappropriate stop thinking that , you don't know the handsome, I mean the boy . Bea stop being like that he wouldn't know you exist if it weren't for this or for music so there does he won't like you like that. But he was staring at you bea get a grip he likes you . I kept arguing about this boy to myself hoping that I wasn't staring at him or anything that would embarrass me

ivan said rather cheerfully and showing the poor boy of like a trophy " john  john this is paul hes a mate of mine from our school and he plays to  " this got a snicker to ivan and the boy 'paul' as he was introduced stood awkwardly between the two boys as john then said smugly sparing glance to me for some obscene and unknown reason as he had a cheeky grin plastered on to his idiotic face