cynical | soonhoon

46 || silent treatment

the urge to breakdown and claw his eyes out on the spot was really intoxicating jihoon as he tried his best to focus on the english lesson going on. he had never had to face a feeling like this before; there had been many instances where he was upset enough to have wanted to ditch class overall, but that subsided a class or two. this feeling was far worse than anything he's ever felt before because it included guilt.

jihoon's feelings of guilt only amplified when soonyoung was around. the older male's deafening silence was a huge reminder to jihoon, telling him without words that he had messed up and now had to pay the price for it. the younger male noticed small examples of soonyoung giving the cold shoulder earlier in the week, he failed to respond to some of jihoon's text messages and didn't join him for lunch like he had done so last week, but it was now clear that he was giving jihoon the silent treatment.

even their friends had noticed; seungcheol looked very worried when he noticed that soonyoung wasn't around to cheer up his best friend anymore while jeonghan pried around, hoping to get some information about what had happened to the playful couple who'd now gone radio silent. the brunette's friends remained just as quiet as soonyoung did. wonwoo's face reeked of disappointment for jihoon while jun wouldn't even look at the shorter male.

it certainly was nice to know that the two were in the most sincere way very loyal to their best friend, but it did nothing to comfort jihoon's nerves. all of the judgemental staring from their mutual friends intensified jihoon's hate for himself; he hated himself for somehow causing this drift between him and soonyoung, and yet he still couldn't figure out how it even happened in the first place.

it's one thing being punished for a crime and knowing exactly what you did to deserve the punishment, but not knowing at all was just going to kill jihoon on the inside. it already was starting to, he could feel small parts of him wither as he held back the tears in his eyes while he sat next to soonyoung in english class.

he sent small occasional glances towards his boyfriend's direction and every time he did so it seemed like soonyoung was very adament on focusing on the lesson. jihoon was even considering offering his notes over to the brunette because the week of silent treatment was really getting to him, but he had discovered that soonyoung spent his time and energy arriving at class early enough just so he wouldn't need the notes handed over to him.

the feeling of having someone you care so deeply about going out of their way to avoid you could be one of the worst feelings in the world. the amount of pain in jihoon's heart was indescribable; with every beat he felt like his world was crashing down on him and he had no idea on how he could stop this horrible feeling. it turns out he couldn't stop that feeling at all from overwhelming him because as soon as the english teacher declared it was independent study time, a small tear slid down jihoon's face.

he told himself that that was going to be his one and only tear and that he was going to be strong enough to hold the rest back, but jihoon couldn't manage that at all. once the one tear made its presence known, it decided to invite all its friends to join its downward trip down jihoon's cheeks. the student tried really hard to keep up with the tears, but he knew he was screwed when he couldn't control his breathing steadily.

jihoon looked down to try to conceal his tear-filled face along with his pink eyes from the students sitting around him, especially soonyoung. it was either working really well in jihoon's favor or it was just that the students around him didn't give any shits at all about the struggling boy next to them. the reasons for the blatant way they disregarded him didn't matter to jihoon though, he was actually happy no-one seemed to notice how he was breaking down in class. he just couldn't ignore how soonyoung was part of the majority ignoring him as well though, that fuelled his crying.

jihoon shut his eyes for a good minute, taking deep breaths to regain control over himself. it seemed to work for a second, like the calm before the raging storm, until his control slipped and he watched as his tears began to soak through his english notebook. that was when jihoon decided that all this crying in class business was over.

"can I use the bathroom?" jihoon spoke after raising his hand, his voice sounded very choppy because of the crying he's been doing. nobody seemed to noticed the change in the tone of his voice except for the pair of eyes sitting next to him. they watched as jihoon rushed out of the classroom after being granted permission (because if you're gonna cry at school you might as well cry in the bathrooms am I right or what?) and then panned over to look at the multiple tear stains that smudged over jihoon's handwriting on his notebook.

and when jihoon returned from the bathroom with large puffy red eyes, they looked at him directly with sympathy and pity. soonyoung wanted so desperately to say something to jihoon because of how hurt the younger looked, but he was just too upset himself to do it.

= = =
would it make it sadder if this happened to me irl,,, tag yourself I was jihoon :/