On Purpose

Chapter 14:

Ugh.

I pulled my dress down a little further.

Stupid Florida weather objectifying me to the humid/hot temperatures. Forcing me to dress is dresses and shorts to avoid looking like a sweaty pig.

Ugh.

Dresses made it look like you were trying too hard.

And I was not a try hard.

"You look fine Dani."

I glanced over at Riley. He was scribbling down notes for History as I snapped out of my trance.

"What?"

I whispered violently.

"I can barely concentrate with you picking yourself apart over there. Yes I can tell, and yes.. You look fine."

He whispered back, averting his attention to his paper. I was about to respond when Mr. Will, our History teacher, gave me the stare down, and I silently picked up my pencil and began jogging down the main points.

I was wearing the red dress Dylan had gotten me for my birthday. For a month I lived in jeans and t-shirts. A month. A month too long. I was tired of sweating to death, so I changed my style.

And yes. It was already a month into school and the one thing that was constantly on my mind was homecoming, which was coming up.

Quickly.

My senior homecoming.

I really looked forward to spending it how I had spent it the last 3 years.

Alone.

As for me and Riley, we had established a sort of friendship. We ate lunch, he gave me rides to and from school, and that was it. All besides being partners in history and all.

Everyday I wanted him to lean over and kiss me.

Everyday.

But he didn't.

Nobody seemed to notice that he hung out with me, much from my surprise.

But on the not so bright side, the insults were as steady as ever when he wasn't around.

I wanted to reach out and smile, and say Riley, let's be together forever, but I couldn't, I had lost that.

Riley was comfortable with our friendship. I think he moved on.. Bad news.

For me at least.

Ugh.

This is what I get for being 'bipolar'. In that moment I thought about my dad, what I got for being bipolar that time. A lie would be to say that I didn't miss him. I missed him everyday. Deep in my heart I knew he was out there, probably thinking of his everyday life. I assume he's completely forgotten about me and Dylan and mom. I'd come to the realization that it wasn't the fact that I forced him to leave, but the one that he's off with a new family, moving on to new things that hurt me the most.

Anything. I would give anything to see his face, smiling at me, proud of me.

But I couldn't have that.

Ever.

Biting my lip to stop the tears, I glanced over at Riley and caught him staring back at me.

"What?"

"I said stop it Dani."

I rolled my eyes and the edges of his lips turned up into a smile. Letting my eyes embrace the half smile, I smiled myself. I imagined his lips on mine, it had been so long, and I longed for their gentle touch. Erupting fireworks in my stomach like they had so long ago.