i must've been a heap of stardust once. i could've been some star that my mom would be gazing at right now, but the universe probably thought i wasn't enough to be one, but that is all i ever wanted. to be a daughter of the moon. to be a speck of light beaming throughout the cosmos. to feel nothing. to exist without the dread of existing. i should've pleaded harder.
it took me twenty years to see that. but the reasons i still do not know. and i guess i never will. i am off alone charting my own course, when i could've been helping others chart their own. i am off alone wondering the what could have been's, when i could've been making people ask that same question. perhaps wondering is the only thing i could do as a failed star... or envy those who became one.
maybe this is all a mistake. i can forgive you if it ever was. if you could only tell me through your comets and meteors. so at least i know i am not talking to thin air. please tell me that those twinkling specks are actually listening. and that i am not doing the talking here just so i can vent out like a stupid clown. it could be that the longing i feel is for them and not for actual people. they must've been my siblings. because now i believe my soul isn't one.
you are all-powerful, you have always been. but that is the only consolation i beg for. to know that this dread has a reason. and with that reason, i might finally be able to feel alive.
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Unmuffled
Poetrya collection of his thoughts, questions, and manifestations on love and all the in-betweens
