The Brightest Stars

Annabelle

I don't know if it's okay to grief the way I'm doing....

I know it's wrong, but this adrenaline seems to be a part of me now. This new strong person was just someone that has been hidden, closed away until Max's death gave me the key. I snatched the key angrily and turned into what I am now.

Who I am only brings disappointment to my best friend though. My heart shrinks every time I see her sad eyes trying to reach me. To understand me.

I can't tell her that it all feels right.....

I've rejected all of my college acceptances because I talked with my sister about studying abroad. Ainoha was there, too. She was quiet as usual while my sister tried to talk me out of it. But Ainoha shrugged and said, "If you think it's the right way to cope with your darkness, then do it."

She gave Hannah a look that left me wondering. It's as if Hannah understood whatever she was hiding and then Hannah gave me a nod. Behind those determined eyes, sadness shined. She feels that if she lets me go, I will not come back the same.

Now, I walk through the doors of the self-defense class I've been going to for two months. I give my usual quiet nods to the people I know and go into the woman's locker room to change. I find it funny that there's rarely anyone in this class. The students are very good. I don't see why this place isn't as recommended as it should be. I guess that's why I like it so much.

I walk out and the first thing I see is the manager of this place talking with the only instructor there is in this building. Another odd thing about my class. There's only a single instructor here that seems to treat us like soldiers.

I don't complain. The yells he does distracts the noise in my mind from everything that has been going on lately.

As I start stretching, I see a tall man enter the building. He carries this sense of authority even in the way he walks. He wears a formal attire and his muscles are shown clearly in the darkness of his skin. He gives a nod at the manager of this place and starts talking with them in a soldier-like posture.

I try to read their lips as curiosity takes the best of me, but the opening doors bring me to see a woman entering the building now. She wears a similar attire of the black man, but much more comfortable and feminine. She is more serious and quiet than the black man. I can hear at the way he makes the instructor and the manger laugh loudly at some remarks. She stands quietly by his side after he introduces her.

Some of us have finished stretching and we await to what the instructor has to say. He realizes that some have started to eavesdrop at their conversation and he yells to us, "Get in pairs and start drills."

"No warm ups?" one of the obnoxious boys in this place says. The instructor nods and we all shrug as we start getting into pairs.

One of the girls, Adri, smiles from across the room and I give her a small smile. She comes over and says, "Do you want to pair up?"

"Do I have a choice?" We share a small laugh and start getting into our defensive stance. This takes me back to Luna's birthday at the park. My best friend's disappointed face makes my heart heavy at the memory of it. I wish she could understand. I wish for her to reach for me, but deep down I know that the struggle will only make us fall apart even farther.

In between my thoughts, my eyes are quick to see Adri strikes a punch at me and I step aside to take her arm with one hand and my foot trips hers so she can loose her balance. She has her eyes wide in surprise and does her charismatic smile. "Dang girl. Relax a little, will ya?" she says in Spanish. I laugh loudly at this and start to walk in a circle in defense.