Behind the Mask

~Chapter 24~

~Jennie's POV~

I silently watched Jimin as he left the practice room, almost running after Taehyung with a worried-out-of-his-mind look on his face. It seemed as if Taehyung's pain could hurt him physically, and I just hoped he would find the words to console him once they got to talk. Right now, Tae needed his best friend.

And after a few moments where everything was frozen, all of us just staring blankly at the door after Jimin dashed out, Sensei finally snapped out of his trance and allowed us to call it a day, since it seemed like nobody was really in the mood for dancing right now.

We nodded and mumbled some goodbye's, heading to each of our rooms, but as Jungkook was starting to climb the stairs to go to his, I called out his name.

He looked at me in surprise, but then quickly came back down to talk to me. And I surely wanted to talk to him.

"Kook. We need to talk. Let's go somewhere we can be alone, alright?"

He nodded dreadfully as he realized what I wanted to talk about and walked over to the kitchen, collapsing on a chair and placing his head on the wooden table. He seemed exhausted, and I didn't like the idea of forcing him to go through certain emotions all over again, but this needed to be done.
And now seemed like the right moment to do it.

"Taehyung told me about the talk you had last night", I muttered, stroking his hair gently as I spoke. He shivered a little under my touch, but then soon relaxed and let me carry on, seeming to find comfort in the new feeling.

"Why did you say those things to him? We both know none of it is true."

"I didn't know what else to do, noona", he whispered. "And I'm sorry I dragged you into our mess. This has nothing to do with you, after all."

"Hey, anything that caused you pain has to do with me, alright? We're friends now, dongsaeng. Whether you like it or not."

He smiled a little as he listened to my words, but then a small, tired frown darkened his features as he recalled the real topic of our talk. He gently removed my hand from his hair and held it tight, trying to muster the courage to tell me what was actually on his mind.

"I hate him, noona. I hate him, because he's too freaking good for me. It scares me how he seems to know me inside out and still finds a way to love me. The only thing he can't see about me is what I'm trying to show him the most. Or at least, I used to try. But don't you find it cruel, to know that there is this person who makes everywhere feel like home and whom you can't imagine life without, but know that there is no universe where you can be with that person?

Sometimes I wish I never met him. At least that way I could've spent my entire life dreaming about the perfect love, instead of having him right here next to me and not being able to love him. It would hurt less that way, I know it for sure. Because it hurts me so damn much to see him every morning and to have to remind myself that no, I can't walk up to him and hug him like I used to, I can't wish him 'good morning' and genuinely smile, just because I'm lucky enough to see him every day, I can't even look at him because, if I ever did, I might not be able to control myself and who knows what irreparable damage I'd do.

I have to control every single thing I do around him, every day. It's exhausting, and I really don't know for how much longer I'll be able to do it. I already hurt him badly enough last night, I can't  imagine what he must think of me right now. I can't even believe I said some of those things back there! I wasn't thinking anymore, the only thing on my mind was to find a way to stop talking about myself and what I felt because he can't know how I'm feeling, alright? He just can't. I won't allow it."