fake (b.t.c.)

nine

"kevin."
"yeah. kevin."
•••
"he was cheating on you?" erika's jaw dropped. "julia, i had no idea, i'm so sorry for-"
"you didn't know." i shook my head. "you don't need to apologize."
"what's been happening since we started the show, then?"
"our first rehearsal was the first time i'd even seen him since then." i continued. "we kind of agreed to act like nothing ever happened."
erika sucked in a breath. "never a good idea."
"tell me about it." i laughed. "we've had some awkward conversations, but tonight was the worst."
"do i even want to know what he said?"
"of course you do." i giggled. "he stopped me, and got mad that ben was calling me jules."
"why?"
"that was his nickname for me."
she nodded.
"so he went on this rant about how ben didn't really know me, and just-" i put air quotes up as i spoke "-wanted to fuck me."
erika gasped. "oh my god! why would he say something like that?"
"i have no idea. i told him that not every guy was as much of an asshole as he was, and then i left, i guess."
erika took a minute, sipping her wine as she processed my story. "so, i'm guessing you still sort of have feelings for him."
i sighed. "how could i not? things ended so badly, and all the feelings i was pushing down just came to light when this show started."
"but you think you might like ben." she said, more as a statement rather than a question.
"i-i don't know. ben's a really nice guy, for sure, but..."
"kevin."
"yeah." i sighed. "kevin."