fake (b.t.c.)

twenty three

"it's just-i expected him to be-"
"not a dick?"
•••
i woke up the next morning with a pounding headache from the night before.
great. hope i don't have to go on today.
my phone vibrated from its place on the nightstand.

text message, 9:45
ben cook
hey i'm at that bakery what do u want

julia summers
idk if i can make it in time to meet you there

ben cook
nah i'm bringing it to you
you like those cinnamon rolls right

julia summers
yeah they're my favorite

ben cook
i remember :)
see ya soon

i smiled and forced myself to get out of bed, then took off the little makeup that had remained from last night.
ben knocked on my door a few minutes later, and he sucked in a breath when he looked at me. "oh. you look-"
"terrible. i know."
"you never look terrible. i was going to say exhausted." he tapped me on the nose and came into the apartment.
oh my.
he set the paper bakery bag down on the counter and pulled my cinnamon roll out. i took it and inhaled the sweet scent, smiling. "thanks. you didn't have to do this."
"i wanted to make sure you're okay. it seemed like what he said hit you pretty hard."
"yeah...i just, i..."
he looked at me expectantly.
"i-i don't know." i shook my head, and motioned for him to come sit on the couch with me.
"jules, i-why didn't you tell me about you and kevin earlier?"
because i didn't want to scare you away.
because i-
"i was just-just trying to put it behind me." i lied. "kev and i agreed not to tell anyone."
technically, it wasn't a lie. but it wasn't the whole truth, either.
ben blinked at me, his ocean blue eyes filled with something in between sadness and confusion. "i don't understand. how long-"
"a year and a half." i said quietly.
"that's a big part of your life, jules." he said. "i-i wish you would've-"
"ben." i stopped him. "i know i should've told you. you don't have to keep making me feel bad about it."
he sighed. "no, jules, i would never. i'm just trying to understand."
i pulled my knees close to my chest. "it just hurts to think about him. how many of those good memories was he cheating on me for?"
"i don't know how he could do that to you." he said.
i looked down at my feet as tears clouded my eyes. "and i was dumb enough to-to fall in love with him."
ben immediately moved right next to me and wiped the tears away from my cheeks. "please don't cry, jules." he said softly. "it's not your fault."
"i know it's not my fault, but i-how do you do that to someone you love?"
how do you do that to anyone?
"i don't know, jules." he said.
"and i'm over it, i've been over it..." i shook my head. "it's just, i expected him to be..."
"not a dick?"
"yeah." i let out a laugh. "exactly."
"maybe he wasn't the person you thought he was. you need someone you know."
like you, i thought.
i bit my tongue and didn't say what i wanted to. ben kept his beautiful eyes on mine, and glanced down at my lips for a second. i thought i saw him start to move in, but both our phones buzzed at the same time.
it was another mean girls notification, letting the cast know i'd be playing regina again for both shows today. luckily, kyle was feeling better and kevin was back to playing shane.
but, still, another two shows of awkward eye contact and his hands all over me.
"well, i should probably start getting ready." i said.
"can i just wait here?" ben asked. "my apartment's farther from the theatre, so-"
"of course." i said. "i'm just gonna grab a shower."
i pulled my hair up off of my shoulders and quickly showered. as i wrapped the towel around me, i heard voices coming from my living room, so i padded out to the hallway.
"ben?" i called as i looked to the door.
unsurprisingly, kevin was standing just outside the door. he glanced past ben at me, just in a towel, and nearly growled as he spoke. "you don't have to do this just to get back at me, julia."
ben opened his mouth. "jules-"
"and what exactly am i doing?"
"well, judging by what i'm seeing here, i'd say that ben spent the night. and i wouldn't be too surprised if something else happened." he spat. i just laughed, rolling my eyes. "get out of my apartment, kevin."
"what, no answer?"
"i don't owe you an answer. i don't owe you anything." i said. "and even if i was hooking up with ben, which i'm not, it would be none of your business."
"i-"
"i'm gonna ask you one more time, and then i'm calling the cops. get the fuck out." i said, and grabbed my phone. he gave one last look between ben and i, and angrily shut the door. i heard his footsteps pound away, and i let out a breath.
"wow." ben breathed.
"what?"
"that was-wow."
i just laughed. "let me go get dressed, and we're out of here."