fake (b.t.c.)

twenty five

"jesus christ, julia. you're hopeless."
•••
it had been weeks since the kevin debacle, as i had started calling it in my mind.
things were amazing. i debuted karen and cady on the same day after some crazy stroke of luck that brought kate back and took erika out in the few hours between shows.

speaking of erika, she made it her life's mission to get ben and i together. unfortunately for her, it hadn't quite worked yet. but, to her delight, we started showing up before shows together and taking the same train home.
"you guys are so close!" she would say.
i just rolled my eyes and laughed.

kate was out yet again, and devon finally got to make her karen debut-which meant that i got to make my caitlin caussin debut-which meant that i got to play ben's girlfriend.
to say i was excited was an understatement.

i smiled like an idiot the entire subway ride to the theatre. funnily enough, i ran straight into ben as i signed my initials on the sheet.
"jules! debut!" was all he got out as he pulled me into a huge bear hug.
"me! debut!" i giggled. he followed me up to the treehouse and babbled on about all our scenes together while i grabbed my stage makeup.
"-and then in whose house, we have to pretend to make out, which always makes devon laugh-"
i whirled around and kissed him.
ben took a second before kissing me back, and we both pulled away.
i blinked, staring into his blue eyes as i processed what i'd just done. and then, of course, i panicked.
ben's eyes were wide as a hint of a smile ghosted his face. "jules-"
"i-um, i-i have to go get ready." i stuttered, then brushed past him and practically sprinted down the stairs to the ensemble girls' dressing room.

"julia!" collins threw her hands up as they cheered for me. "your last track!"
"yeah. exciting." i said weakly, my mind still racing as i comprehended what i had just done.
"alright, out with it." collins turned to me. "what happened?"
"nothing, i-"
"nuh uh, honey." gianna poked my cheek. "you better tell us."
"yeah, seriously." jonalyn said. "what's up with ben this time?"
my jaw dropped. "what? why would-"
"we aren't dumb, julia." collins laughed. "now, come on."
i sighed. "i just kissed him."
the squeals in the room were almost deafening.
"you didn't!" collins exclaimed. "did he kiss you back?"
i nodded.
"what did he say?"
"i didn't really give him a chance to say anything." i looked down at my feet. "i kinda ran out on him."
gianna just about had an aneurysm. "you ran out on him?"
i just nodded again.
"jesus christ, julia. you're hopeless."