fake (b.t.c.)

twenty

"well, what i felt wasn't fake."
"i don't see how that's my problem."
•••
my hair fell down my back as i took my last few pin curls out, and i took one last look t myself in the mirror. i couldn't stop smiling as i made my way down to the stage door.
it always amazed me how sweet the fans at the stage door were. they all cheered for me when i came outside, and one girl even told me i was her favorite cast member. it seemed like nothing could bring me down from this high.
but, of course, as i threw the last of my things in my backpack, there was a knock on the dressing room door, and kevin came in.
"we need to talk."
"about what?" i played dumb.
"you know what, jules." he said.
"julia." i corrected him for what felt like the hundredth time. "and, actually, i have no idea what you're talking about."
"sure you don't." he scoffed, and sat down on the couch behind me. i refused to say anything, and he finally gave in. "the kiss."
"what about it?"
"oh, for christ's sake." he let out an exasperated sigh. "it felt different."
"it was a stage kiss."
"sure." he scoffed.
"it was just a stage kiss." i repeated. "i don't know why you're so worked up about this."
"look, julia, i don't know what to tell you, but that wasn't 'just a stage kiss.' there was way more to that, and i wish you'd stop lying to yourself and-"
"oh my god, kevin, it was fake, okay?" i turned around and looked him in the eye. his mouth fell open. "well, what i felt wasn't fake."
"i don't see how that's my problem."
"it isn't, but-"
"then why are you here? i'm not responsible for your feelings. it's not-"
"i'm still in love with you, okay?" kevin nearly yelled. "is that what you wanted to hear? are you happy?"
i looked at him, my face completely blank. "it's not what i wanted to hear at all."
"what do you want me to say, then?"
"i don't want you to say anything. i want you to leave me alone."
"jules, i can't do that."
"you had your chance and you blew it." i shrugged. "why can't you just respect the fact that i'm trying to move on?"
"because it kills me every time i see you dance with ben, or flirt with him, or..."
my eye instinctively rolled. "so that's what this is about? ben? seriously, kev, i really thought-"
"what about me?"
ben pushed the door open, smiling at me, but his face fell when he saw our faces. "what's going on?"
"it's nothing-" i started, but kevin cut me off.
"you know what?" he said. "the truth might as well come out."
"kevin, no..."