Friends - HyungKyun

21- Changkyun

Turtle
Changkyun
(Sent at 22:44)

I know I hurt you.
And you have a right to be
angry with me.
(Sent at 22:49)

But please know that there
was more to what happened
than me just leaving.
(Sent at 22:54)

I would much rather tell you 
everything in person, but
seeing as that likely won’t
happen I’ll just have to text
you.
Let me get Minhyuk off my
back real quick.
(Sent at 22:57)

I loved you so much
From that first day in
kindergarten to almost ten
years later
And honestly
To now
(Sent at 23:10)

Remember the first time we
met?
I still remember being so
alone
Because no one would play
with me, but then you came.
You walked up to me when I
was sitting in that corner by
myself and asked to play.
It was the first time another
kid wanted to play with me.
(Sent at 23:14)

Everyday day after that you
would come up to me. 
We had become friends after
the three days of you asking
to play.
Do you remember?
(Seen at 23:16)

How we had officially become 
friends?
I asked you.
The night before I had told my 
mother about you.
“Mommy! Someone’s played
with me two days in a row!”
I’d been so excited that I still
know what was siad.
“That’s nice. So you made a
friend?”
“I’m not sure. Do you think he
would want to be my friend?”
“It certainly seems like he
would. Why don’t you ask them,
sweetie?”
(Sent at 23:23)

That’s what pushed me to ask.
The one who’d tear us apart
brought us together.
(Sent at 23:25)

We became best friends
Practically inseparable
Doing anything we could
together
(Sent at 23:29)

I grew to love you more each
day
I love how you care so much
How you treated everyone with 
kindness no matter what they
had done to you (which is
probably the only reason
Hoseok hasn’t showed up at the
door yet)
How strong you are
You always seemed so
emotionless on the outside
But around your loved ones
you’d let those walls down at
times
You never lied or hid anything 
either
I did though
(Sent at 23:38)

When we started our first year
of middle school I realized
something.
I was always scared that you 
wouldn’t see me the same
because of it.
So I pushed it away whenever
it came to mind.
That always happened when I
was with you though.
(Sent at 23:45)

I hadn’t thought about what
my parents would think.
Not until a year later when we
had started our second year
and I couldn’t take hiding it
anymore.
So during dinner I said it as if
it was a casual thing.
You might expect a parent to be 
happy for their child.
My mother was far from it.
My father said nothing and
walked out the door.
I haven’t seen him since.
(Sent at 23:52)

My mother beat me and cried
When both stopped she said she
couldn’t take it and that she
would see about me living with
my grandparents.
That was Monday night.
The night before our last day
together.
The night I changed everything
by telling my parents that I’m in
love with my best friend.
(Seen at 00:01)

I was so scared
I had no clue what would
happen
You saw that something was
wrong the next day, but I kept
silent
If I did move, there was nothing
to do and I wouldn’t want to
make you sad with a sudden
goodbye.
I was also hoping that my
mother and father would forget
about it and it would be just like
any day when I got home.
If that happened, I wouldn’t want
to have just made you sad with a 
goodbye for it to not happen.
I thought it was best to stay
silent
(Sent at 00:07)

I also hadn’t expected to be
leaving as soon as I got home
after school
My mother never talked to you
after I left did she?
Sorry
That was kinda my fault
(Sent at 00:10)

Before that I had no clue that my 
family felt so strongly about 
sexuality.
But they did and it costed me 
I moved to my grandparents
house and had to go to a Catholic
boarding school 
The classmates weren’t that bad
The strictness was
It was also really awkward too
Unlike the movies and me
everyone chose to be there
(Sent at 00:16)

I’m not going to say much of
what happened there, but I never
made friends
Even if I had wanted to I wouldn’t
be allowed
My grandparents knew the 
headmaster and told him that I
was to have little interaction with
the other boys because of my
'problem'
It got really lonely but there was 
nothing I could do 
They controlled everything
That was until I found a book in
English during a break
The Dark Between Stars
(Sent at 00:25)

I had actually forgotten that I
was even fluent enough in
English to read with everything
else going on
The reason they couldn’t control
it was that they didn’t know the 
language
They weren’t going to take
something educational away so
they could only hope I wasn’t
reading anything unapproved of.
Plus it had been two years of me
not showing any signs of my
'problem'
(Sent at 00:28)

After I found that one I went to
the library and found more books
(As you have noticed, The Dark
Between Stars still means a lot to
me..)
It was my only freedom so I read
all the time
It eventually drove me to be here 
(Sent at 00:32)

I thought about you everyday
after leaving
At first I told myself it was only a
few years and then I would find
you again
But as years passed my thoughts
turned
They told me you had moved on 
That you never thought of me
again and me leaving was the best
thing for you
(Sent at 00:38)

So I kinda gave up on the idea of
finding you
Worried I am only a burden
Trust me 
I never stopped caring about you
And I never forgave myself for not
telling you I would be going after
I realized it hadn't been the best
choice
I didn’t know what to do
(Sent at 00:45)

And I still don’t know what to do
I don’t want to lose you a second
time, but I see how badly I hurt you
the first time.
Minhyuk and Hyunwoo were
trying to give me ideas on how to
win you back. (More like Min was
while Hyunwoo sat and shook his
head at the stupid ones (all of them))
(Sent at 00:50)

I haven’t known them very long 
Only since last year when I got
here
I came all the way here and only
made Korean friends
Little funny, huh?
(Sent at 00:51)

They know about my past too
I had a break down towards the
end of that year and it all kinda
came out
(Sent at 00:56)

It’s getting kinda late
You probably turned your phone
off so you can ignore these
I’ll still stop now in case you're
getting constant notifications
though
(Seen at 00:59)

I love you 
Please talk to me.
(Sent at 01:15)