I Promise (A Matthew Epinosa Fan Fiction)

Chapter Nineteen

{Jay's POV}

I unlocked the door to the hotel. "Hey, you're back early," Calum noted. "Um, yeah. I was going to grab some clothes and go back. Since we're staying in New Jersey for a few days, the guys wanted to know if I could stay with them until we have to leave for he next stop. And I'll still be back for all of the sound checks and stuff." I explained quickly with pleading eyes.

Calum let out a laugh. "Why does it sound like you're asking for my permission? You can go wherever, it's cool. Just don't miss the concerts or anything I guess. And make sure to tell Luke so he doesn't flip a shit on you."

"Thanks so much." I thanked while I grabbed a couple changes of clothes and anything else I'd need. I packed them in a backpack and walked out the door saying bye to Calum. Luke wasn't here so I guess I would just have to call him later to let him know. I turned on my phone so I could text him when I ran into someone. "Woah. Watch where you're going." Luke laughed. "Oh, good. Hi. I was just looking for you. I'm staying with the guys for a couple days since they all miss me and stuff. But don't worry, I won't be missing anything. I'll be back when we're ready to leave for the next tour stop," I reassured. Luke pouted really cutely and I aughed, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek. "Hey, you're not allowed to leave me for a couple days without a proper kiss." Luke demanded smirking as he leaned in to kiss me.

My phone beeped as I got a text from Shawn. Did you leave without saying goodbye? Oh crap. I forgot to tell the others. Nope, coming back. Had to grab some stuff, long story. About to leave the hotel now. I texted back quickly. "That's my cue to leave. But I'll see you soon, okay?" Giving Luke another quick kiss and walking to the elevator.

I knocked on Shawn's door and he answered immediately. "Oh good, you're back." "Of course I'm back dumbass." I laughed. "So I don't get it, what's happening?" Shawn asked, obviously confused. "It's a long story, and really complicated. But I'm staying for a few days. So if I could stay with you or Hayes, that would be cool." I pleaded with a little smile. Shawn laughed. "Of course you can stay with us, good thing Hayes and I are already sharing a room, huh?"

I set my stuff down on one of the beds and started rummaging through the drawers for Hayes's hoodie. Found it. It was the same hoodie that Hayes let me wear when he comforted me that now. I missed it, plus it was the most comfortable thing ever. "Hayes is going to be here soon, he just ran out real quick to get food. Did you want anything?" Shawn asked. Of course I wanted food. I was starving. I hadn't eaten in days, but I simply shook my head and turned the offer down. 

"Shawnnn. I'm back. What the fu- and I guess Jay is too." Hayes laughed, his eyes brightening up.
"Yup, looks like you're stuck with me for a little bit." I laughed along. The three of us talked and ate. Well, only they ate. When they finished, they sat down to face me. "We have some questions for you. They're, um, personal I guess. So you don't have to answer them if you don't want to." Shawn reassured.

"Um, sure. okay."
"Why did you parents kick you out to begin with? We never learned, and yeah." They started off.
Oh wow. I took a breath and paused for a minute. "Um, so basically, my parents- they never agreed with mental illness. They didn't believe that it existed. I was diagnosed back when I was younger with a shit ton of stuff. Axiety, depression, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and so on. I self harmed a lot too. It got me sent to an institution. When I was 'better' enough to get out, I went back home. They swore to me that if I ever 'acted' this way again, then they were done with me. So when my mom found that I was still cutting, she kicked me out without any hesitation." I explained.
"Wow. Um, we don't have to keep going if you don't want to. I mean, wow. That's a lot.." Shawn broke the silence.
"No, it's okay. I've already accepted that they just weren't good parents. I don't need those kinds of people in my life. Next question. Go on." I motioned for them to continue.
"Why did you leave Matt? We knew some stuff, but we need to hear it from you." Hayes asked.
This one was harder to answer. It threw me off guard. "Have you ever felt just so completely worthless? Like you'll never amount to anything, and that you're not good enough for anyone? Well add to that, your insecurities, hate from random strangers, losing your friends and family, thinking that your boyfriend is cheating on you, depression, and so much more. It was killing me. And part of me thought it was killing Matt too. Part of me felt as if that was the solution for Matt and I. He deserved so much better."
"And Luke?"
"Luke helped me so much. He was like Matt. Except, he knew what he was dealing with. And nicer fans. And I don't know. But I fell in love with Luke too. I started a life with him, and it felt so permanent. The other boys became like family to me too. I never stopped loving Matt, but with Luke. I don't know if I love him as much as Matt, but with Luke, things feel so permanent and they're much easier."

{Matt's POV}

I went to go find Shawn to tell him about what happened with Jay and I. I wonder if she was already back. I heard talking from inside, Jay's vioce too. I froze and listened silently.
"Why did you leave Matt? We knew some stuff, but we need to hear it from you." Hayes asked.
Wait, what? I listened more closely.
"Have you ever felt just so completely worthless? Like you'll never amount to anything, and that you're not good enough for anyone? Well add to that, your insecurities, hate from random strangers, losing your friends and family, thinking that your boyfriend is cheating on you, depression, and so much more. It was killing me. And part of me thought it was killing Matt too. Part of me felt as if that was the solution for Matt and I. He deserved so much better." Jay finished explaining.
Wow, I had never known that. That wasn't true. I didn't deserve better, because Jay was already the best. She is my whole world. I never knew she was that broken either. Why didn't she tell me? I could have helped her. I'm not making the same mistake.