Summer

Chapter 28

I'm guessing that the first door on the left is Justin's room as it's the only door that's closed. I gently knock twice before slowly opening it to find Noah sleeping under the black cotton covers. Even sleeping he's gorgeous.

The covers are draped just below his belly button, so his torso is on full display. His wavy hair is sprawled out over the pillowcase and his face is slightly turned away from me so that the only feature I can see is the small beauty mark right above his jawline.

The way he lightly inhales then exhales makes his toned chest stick out just enough so that his collarbone flexes. For someone who's beyond wasted, he looks perfect.

I stop beside him and my fingers naturally find their way to his arms, outlining the tattoo that reads C.E.C. They then trail along the side of his face as I take in the beauty of his flawless features.

"Hey," he slowly opens his eyes and whispers once my touch comes into contact with his.

"Sorry, I-," I begin to say as I embarrassingly remove my hand from his face.

"Don't," he says before I can finish my sentence. "Stop, that is."

I lick my lips as regret consumes me. I shouldn't have done that.

"How are you feeling?" I play off his comment and ask him as I take a seat beside him on the bed.

"Like shit," he says, pulling himself up as he angles his back so that it touches the headboard. "But not because of the alcohol. Because of how I treated you." I feel his eyes on me, along with his remorse. I know that he feels bad for hurting me, but that doesn't change the fact that he did. "Justin called you, didn't he?" I simply nod, not wanting to say more. "Look, Fee, I'm sor-"

"Noah, we don't have to do this right now."

"I want to. But first," he pauses and then smiles, "get in." He lifts the sheets from his side and pats down on the mattress. I look at him hesitantly, but eventually position my legs so that I'm laying next to him. I turn my body slightly so that Noah and I are facing each other.

"I'm sorry," he says once our eyes lock. "I know that doesn't excuse my actions, but let me explain." I look at him with permission to go on, and he exhales before beginning. "I lied to you. I told you I couldn't give you what you need. But the truth is, I can...if you let me. That night...the night that we kissed for the first time, I knew I was in trouble. I knew that everything I thought about love and relationships was turning into doubt. Before I met you, I didn't believe in happily ever afters. I mean, how could I when my parent's marriage was a lie? And then you happened, and everything I didn't want to feel hit me like a ton of bricks. I thought that pushing you away would push those feelings away too, and, in turn, I'd be happier. I'd be happier because I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions of possibly getting my heart broken. Or worse — of you coming to the realization that I was just a stupid mistake in your life. The only way I knew how to get you to hate me was by living up to my douchebag reputation. I thought that if I got with someone else, my feelings for you would go away. Turns out, you can't get rid of something that's meant to be there on its own."

"I didn't know you that were going to be at Justin's tonight. I really didn't," he continues. "When I saw that I hurt you, it killed me. I know that I can be a stupid asshole sometimes, but I genuinely care about you. I don't know why or where it comes from; all I know is that I do. So, I want you to know that I'm so sorry. Truly, completely and unconditionally sorry. For hurting you. For lying to you. And for lying to myself."

He places his hand over mine as he waits for me to respond, except, I'm at a loss for words because I want to forgive Noah, but I also want to protect myself. If Noah can hurt me once, how do I know he won't do it again? I guess that's something I'll never have the answer to. The question is, am I okay with that?

"Thank you for telling me that," I say to him before pausing. "If I'm being honest with you, Noah, you confuse the living hell out of me. One day, you're a wise ass, the next day, you're sympathetic, the day after that you're kissing me and then hours later, you're telling me that you can't be what I need. But I understand. It makes sense now, and I...I forgive you." He smiles at my words, and I continue. "The truth is, kissing you felt so right. But, sometimes, what feels right ends up being wrong. I don't know." I look at him and shake my head. "Maybe we're better off forgetting that last night ever happened."

"I don't understand. I'm telling you that I want to give this a try. Isn't that what you want to hear?"

"I don't want you to do something because you think it's what I want."

I stand up from his bed because I feel myself getting frustrated. I need space. That doesn't work, though, because he immediately tosses the covers from his body and follows me to the door. 

"Don't make this complicated, Fee," he tells me as his 6-foot-2 frame hovers over me.

"And don't make this something that it can't be. I'm being realistic here, Noah. Do you think that you're actually capable of being with someone?" My eyes search his, craving validation.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like." Instead of answering me, he brings his hand to cup my face. "Answer the question, Noah," I look away, ignoring his affectionate gesture.

"If you're asking me if I want to give us a chance, then the answer is 'yes'. Just let me prove it to you."

I press my lips together, turn my head, and cross my arms over my stomach. "How?"

"You'll see. I just need you to trust me. Do you trust me?" When I don't say anything, he scoops my back with his arms, bringing me in closer so that my chest is touching his body. "Trust me," he rests his forehead against mine and whispers like a command.

I let a deep breath out. "Okay. I'm trusting you, Noah. With everything in me."

"Thank you," he says, planting a soft kiss to my forehead. When he pulls away, I instantly feel empty inside. Like my body craves his touch.

He walks back to his bed, and I take that as my sign to leave. "Uh, uh, uh. Where do you think you're going?" I point my thumb to the door to answer his question, but before I can say anything, he turns away from his bed and makes his way towards me. He pulls me by my hand, bringing my body to his. "Stay with me," he says, but I playfully shake my head 'no'. "Stay. With. Me." He says again, this time bringing his mouth to my ear so that his warm breath hits my skin.

It would be easier to say 'no' to him if I wanted to. But that's the thing, I don't want to. I want to spend the night with him. Which is why my footsteps follow his lead to the bed.

Noah brings the sheets over my body, and I nestle my head on his shoulder as he rests his chin on my head. Before we daze off, I reach for my phone and set my alarm for 5 am so that I can make it home in time before Liam has to get up for work.