Summer

Chapter 59

Noah hasn't answered my texts all day, and I need to know that he's okay, which is why I call Justin and ask him if he can go over to Noah's house and check on him and Maggie.

Besides hanging with Jacob by the pool and grabbing a yogurt from the fridge, I haven't left my room all day.

"Yeah?" I call out when I hear a knock on my door. Please be Jacob, please be Jacob.

But it's not. It's Liam.

When he enters, I immediately look away and continue writing in my journal. His eyes stay on me for a few seconds before he finally speaks up.

"So, I, uh, I just got off the phone with mom." He scratches his head. "She's excited to see us in two days." I don't respond. "I, uh, I just want to make sure that you're packed and everything. We have an early flight out and I don't want to be scrambling for things at the last minute."

I can't believe him. Or that he's cut our trip three weeks short. I can't even look at him, and I don't want to talk to him. Which is why I don't and continue to write.

He stands there for another minute, and just as he's about to turn away, he stops himself.

"Look, Fee, I know that you can't stand me right now, but I love you. I really do. With all of my heart. I know those words seem meaningless after what's happened, but I hope that one day you can see them for what they're worth and know that I would do anything to protect you. That's all I'm trying to do here. Because we both know how this situation ends if it continues. At the end of the day, I could be okay with it, Jacob could be okay with it and you could follow your heart, but if mom and dad ever found out about your relationship with Noah, they'd destroy it; tear it apart until it no longer exists. I figured if I could get to him before they did, it would save everyone the suffering."

I try to bring my eyes to look at Liam, but they won't move. I try to open my mouth to say something, but they won't part. With that, Liam gives me one more look before making his way towards the door and closing it shut.

***

The next knock on my door is from Jacob.

"Hey," he says after he enters. I wish I could say that I've moved from my bed, but I haven't. "Liam and I are going to head out for a bite to eat. Wanna come with?"

"No, thanks," I say, even though I probably should, considering I've barely eaten all day.

"That's what I thought. Figured I'd ask though." He looks around the room, and I know that he wishes he could do more — say more — to make this mess go away. "Will you be okay for dinner then?"

"Yeah, I'll figure something out," I tell him.

"Okay," he says. "Oh, and by the way...someone's waiting for you downstairs."

I didn't know five words could make me so happy. I run down the stairs with excitement pumping through my veins. I don't know why, but I'm expecting to see Noah.

My adrenaline stops once I notice that it's not him standing there. It's Cassie. It's not that I'm not happy to see her, it's just that I haven't spoken to Noah, and Justin never got back to me.

Cassie doesn't wait for me to say anything and runs up to give me a hug.

"I figured you could use your best friend right now," Jacob comes up from behind us and says.

"How are you doing?" Cassie asks as we make our way to the living room and settle on the sofa.

"Could be better," I tell her honestly.

"You know he wants to be with you, right?" Cassie asks, and I purse my lips while nodding my head.

"Yeah, I know. I want to be with him, too. But wanting something is just a wish. It doesn't mean anything." I'm trying my hardest to fight back tears because I'm tired of crying, but I can't help it. I have no control over my emotions anymore.

"What if you talk to Liam? You know, get him to change his mind? At the end of the day, he wants to see you happy."

"I wish it were that simple," I explain. "Wanting someone shouldn't be this hard. And I'm sick of fighting with Liam. I miss what our relationship was. Liam and I were so close before this mess and I want to get back to that."

"I don't understand. He's not allowing you to be happy. Why are you trying to rebuild that relationship?"

"I'm not trying to rebuild anything. My relationship with Liam has always been there. He's my brother, Cass, and I know that he wants the best for me. I know that he's just looking out for me. I don't agree with the way he goes about it, but this is Liam we're talking about. You know, the same guy who forged my mom's signature when I failed my AP psych midterm, and took the blame when I got my first speeding ticket. I just need to talk to him. I haven't tried once. I just didn't know what to say, but I think I'm ready now."

Cassie earnestly looks at me and smiles. "Yeah, I think you are, too."

Our heart-to-heart moment is shortly interrupted when Liam approaches from the entryway. I thought he and Jacob left.

"Uh, we had to turn around because I forgot my phone," he admits. He clearly heard enough of my conversation with Cassie because he's looking at me nervously. "Fee, can we talk?"

I shake my head 'yes' and follow him to the kitchen. He turns the lights on and walks over to the island, where he places his palms down on the marble.

"I hate this," he confesses. "I hate fighting with you. But what I hate most is that you hate me."

I stop him before he can go on. "I don't hate you, Liam. How could you even say that?"

"I heard what you said to Cassie, you know, about me wanting the best for you. And I do, Fee...want the best for you. Sometimes, I think I know what that is more than you do, which in hindsight doesn't make any sense. I just...it's really important to me that you be happy. Seeing you hurt is not something I can handle. You're my baby sister. I guess sometimes I let that get to me and I forget to give you the freedom that you deserve to make your own choices. Part of me wants to feel like you'll always need me in some way. Seeing you with Noah...I saw your independence and it scared me. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy that you have it, but it's also a wakeup call to me that you no longer need me to protect you. I want you to give your heart to someone. I want you to have your freedom. I can see now that I was just standing in your way. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's time I backed down, start acting like the big brother you deserve...not your enemy."

This is what I've been wanting and waiting to hear all along. That Liam supports me. Even though, deep down, I knew it.

I walk towards my brother, smiling wholeheartedly. "Liam, I love you. Unconditionally. You've been there for Jacob and me in more ways that you'll ever know. You're our rock. I've looked up to you my entire life. And that's not even all. Your work ethic, your determination to make those you care about proud, your love for your family, your need to protect — it all inspires me. That's why I was so hurt, because I needed your love. When I didn't have it, I felt cheated. I felt like you were slowly starting to become a stranger to me. And that scared me. Because I can't not have you in my life. I can't not have your support. It hurts too much not to."

He shakes his head in disappointment, not in me, but in himself. "Fee, even if I don't agree with something you do, you'll always have my support. Always. You can't get away from me that easily," he jokes, and I can't help but chuckle. I've missed Liam's funny side, and when I open my arms to hug him tightly, I'm reminded that it was always there.

"Jacob's waiting for me in the car," Liam says as we both pull away. "But I'll see you later?" I nod and he makes his way to the front door. "And Fee," he stops before pulling on the handle, "just so you know, I had my phone with me the whole time."