Summer

Chapter 36

The crisp air hits my face and it feels so good to breathe in the fresh smell.

"Sophia, wait," I hear Noah call out as I run. I'm having déjà vu. Me, running away from him. Him, running after me. I don't even know how I'm getting home, but that's the last thing on my mind. All I know is that the farther away I am from Noah, the better.

"Fee," he calls out again, but I try to block out his voice.

I pick up my pace in the hopes that he won't catch up to me, but he's too fast, and, eventually, he grabs my arm and pulls me back so that I'm forced to face him.

"Don't touch me, Noah. Don't you dare touch me," I shout, yanking his hand from mine. I feel the tears starting to form, but I really don't want to cry in front of him. I don't want him to see that he's hurt me.

"Will you just talk to me for a second, please?" he begs, reaching for my hand again. I'm surprised he can even form sentences right now, let alone notice what's happening around him. It's as if the guy sitting on the couch 5 minutes ago was a completely different person.

"Let go of me," I demand, dropping my arm down.

"You weren't supposed to see that," he says, his body trembling. He touches his hat with his hand and looks down at the floor before gazing at me. "You weren't supposed to see me like that."

I don't even know why I'm still standing here, listening to this BS. All I do, all I can do, is shake my head. When I attempt to walk away from him again, he stops me. "No, don't," he pleads, bringing his body in front of mine. "Please just let me explain."

"You don't owe me an explanation, Noah," I tell him. "You don't owe me anything. I officially want nothing from you." Tears are starting to fall from my eyes, and he looks at me apologetically.

"You don't understand, Fee, I'm fucked up right now. Really fucked up. I couldn't even see straight before you got here, but then I saw you, looking at me the way that you did, and everything came into focus. Everything became clear as day. You have to trust me, nothing happened between me and Cecilia."

"I don't even care if something did," I lie. It's the only way I can convince myself that I'm not hurting. "Like I said, you and I are nothing, Noah. Absolutely. Nothing."

"You don't mean that."

"No, I do."

"If you mean it, then why are you so upset, huh? Why are you jealous?"

"You think I'm jealous?" I chuckle, crossing my arms in front of my stomach. "You couldn't be more wrong."

"Don't tell me you're not pissed off, Fee. I see right through you. If we're nothing, then why are you making me feel like shit right now?"

"Because you're better than this, Noah. You know this isn't you."

"You don't know shit about me. You lost that right the second you got out of the car last night."

"So, what? This is your twisted way of making a point? Get over yourself." I'm shouting louder than I want to, causing partygoers to stare at us as they make their way to their cars.

"If you think you're so fucking good and perfect with your perfect fucking grades and your perfect fucking world, then maybe you were right to end things."

I want to be mad at him for the way that he's speaking to me right now, but I can sense that he's hurting. "I'm not perfect, Noah," I say calmly. "And I don't want to be. I just want to be real with you."

"What? You think I don't know that I'm a screwup? That my family's a fucking disaster? I'd think you'd be the one person to see past that. I guess I was wrong."

I know he wants me to say something, to tell him that he isn't wrong, but I don't know what to say at this point. I'm out of thoughts and words and I just want to go home. Back to Connecticut.

When I don't answer, Noah takes my silence for what it's worth.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," he says before storming off.